a ruined life.

2012-01-02T01:37:00.003+08:00

I've experienced one of the world's worst feelings, other than regret.

It is knowing that you are on the verge of tears, knowing you are about to crumble the moment you open your mouth to speak, knowing that your vulnerabilities are about to overflow the moment your eye catches the other person's, yet you still have to compose yourself and make sure you have not given yourself away.

Such that you try to not speak, not look, not think. Which is nowhere near possible.

2011-12-30T21:46:00.002+08:00

I won't ever forgive myself if I were to post any self-pity things on facebook or twitter so I guess the only rant space is here (where I believe no one knows unless they google my name or they are old friends from secondary school and beyond).

Feeling some obscure sense of depression and desperation. Obscure because I have no idea where it originated and I don't want to make wild guesses that may endanger my faith in anything. Feel like isolating myself from the world, from everyone. Feel like escaping... To any place where I don't impose on or bother anyone... Away from the current state where I keep guessing who would truly be by my side, or are just simply here without much thought, and could leave without much thought too. I want to escape and not look back... So I would never know who cares, because it would hurt to know who doesn't. I don't need to be around people... I don't need to seek approval... But it feels pretty damn sad when have no place to call home. When there is nothing to anticipate... When many things have lost their purpose...

Detached... Cold... Passive... Practical... Pride... Feels as if these are just a form of self defence. Being so afraid of being hurt that one shuts emotional self from the outside world.

What have I become?

2011-11-14T18:06:00.000+08:00

每首歌都有它的專屬回憶

或許是一段故事或許是某些情緒

人人對音樂和語言都有不同見解與喜好

我一直傾向中文歌曲

因為許多中文歌曲所帶出的情感和詞中的詩意話中話

是其他語言的歌曲無法詮釋的

儘管中文歌曲不再受歡迎它在我心中的意義永遠不變

2011-11-12T01:58:00.002+08:00

sometimes when i look at myself in the mirror, i feel so ugly and wonder why people actually like me, let alone fall in love with me.

2011-11-06T23:20:00.003+08:00

Find something close to your heart amidst all the trials and tribulations of life, 'cos that's what will make the struggle all worthwhile. What's yours?

These few months have been a trying period, mentally and emotionally. It has led to a lot of reflections, a few secret mini mental breakdowns, some tears, and very little sleep. There's much to talk about, but I guess details are redundant; I have things to share and thoughts are flashing so fast in my head I'm afraid they would be lost if I don't pen them down today.

Is there something in your life that makes you feel as if you can spend any amount of effort to achieve, and have the end product remove any ounce of resentment or fatigue that surfaced during the process? For some, it could be an A grade on a paper. It could be a crowd's cheers and looks of admiration. It could be a pretty paycheck. It could be a loved one's smile.

For me, it is the hearts of the people whom I have walked together with, and have left an impact on. Knowing I played a part in changing someone's life for the better, however small, is one of the most genuine happiness I have felt. Even if it were only a shared memory, the feeling of giving it my all and knowing the moment will be part of me forever... It's priceless.

What sparked of this chain of thoughts particularly was something Sandy (dongsaeng from CJ) said to me this evening - a simple '辛苦了'. It shocked me, because in my eyes, all I saw was them working so hard, Sandy and Natalie meeting up everyday from early in the day till late at night; the group meeting up and practising as soon as they are able to put aside other things in their lives... And amidst being surprised by their true efforts and tearing myself between them and my own school work, I didn't notice I didn't actually have to be there officially, but am also giving my all seeing them through their items. I didn't know they really became part of me until I felt an emotional surge while telling them how they must put up a performance that they will never regret, no matter what the results turn out to be. I really appreciated the acknowledgement from my dear girls; it gave me more strength to push on, be it for myself, or for them.

For me, the feeling of giving is enough to see me through hard times. My 演員s shining onstage in 華會... VJ people dancing the school mass dance... Blogposts from VJ freshmen saying how fun orientation was... Ronald's reaction seeing a birthday cake outside his door at 12am... My S2 freshies cheering their lungs out and enjoying the camp... And the most recent one: laughing till our faces ache during group vocal practices... And many more.

I'm glad to be part of all these memories, whether or not I am directly involved. Because I have these, I feel my life has not been wasted. No matter how small those moments may be, it is these moments that make me, and will be part of me forever.

就算只有片刻我也不害怕
是片刻組成永恆哪

你的生命是為了什麼而活的呢?

2011-09-03T17:24:00.002+08:00

There are so many things I want to do.

Sometimes I can't help feeling that life's pretty unfair. Every time I feel restricted by financial matters, I would think: hey, those kids born with a silver spoon, or even kids born into a normal, middle-income family wouldn't ever have this trapped feeling I often get. I'm not referring to people who occasionally get 'broke' meaning they have no money in their wallets but still have a reservoir of virtual cash inscribed in their little bank books. Even if they do not possess that kind of money, many still have a family which can be sustained and not collapse should there be a sudden stoppage of income. And having parents that actually have money to loan them if they need it (whether or not the parents actually lend them, at least they do HAVE the reserve amount).

It makes me feel like a butterfly with my wings clipped. Money isn't everything, but it can bring you so much. Opportunities to let you grow, to see the world, to improve yourself.. To not worry every time there is something you really want and isn't even remotely difficult to achieve, but you just cannot dream to reach for it. I feel so restricted, so bound, so tied.

But I do not blame anyone or anything for my fate to be born not-as-affluent (euphemism). I have learnt much from being in this situation. Knowing to appreciate every small little thing that you have because you know how hard things come by... Working hard for something you want... Seeing how other people take things for granted and vouching that you will always be humble... I believe I have seen more of the world than the average Singaporean youth and I thank my life for that.

Life is unfair when it comes to the ease and comfort which people live their lives, but experience and empowerment wise, I guess I've got the better end of the stick.

My challenge for now is to be magnanimous and forgiving towards factors that perpetuate or worsen the conditions I'm in, tipping the equilibrium that we have all been striving hard towards maintaining. I'm still wondering if it is beyond the boundaries of my humanity to not feel the resentment and yet be positive about it, but I'm learning.

I'm still human.

2011-07-02T00:45:00.002+08:00

WAH, super cannot stand few types of people.

1. Witnessed this just now. Was approaching a traffic light but was still a long distance to catch the upcoming green man. Saw the cars stop, but the red man didn't turn green. People waited, then suddenly the green light for the cars came on again, and the cars drove off. Everyone turned to look at the button, realised no one pressed it, then looked at the uncle nearest to it (didn't even have to stretch one metre to reach it) in disbelief. I was amused watching, but if I were there, I would have thrown that uncle a few death glares! I take it upon myself to check the button is pressed EVERYTIME I am at a traffic junction (anal pedestrian) and even though everyone has the responsibility to check it, the person nearest should be the most 自動 right??

But wait, it's not over. The next logical thing that should happen would involve the uncle pressing the button, then everyone waits for the next green man. However, even though the uncle recognized that the green man didn't come due to no one pressing the button closest to him, he turned away from the button without pressing it, then started to jaywalk! Seriously, I wouldn't pity him if he got into a car accident. I know this is mean, but it's his karma. I am merciless when it comes to road courtesy!!! This kind of accidents can be prevented. If you let it happen 'cos you jaywalk, it's just too bad.

2. This incident didn't happen today, but many many other times. I would be waiting at the traffic light (public transport and roads really create angst), already standing near the edge of the road, then some aunties would squeeze past people already standing there and stop in front of us, like they cant wait to sprint across the road when the light turns green. But when it does, these aunties started to leisurely saunter off, like they have all the time in the world, some carrying umbrellas, blahblah. My blood really boils if I were in a rush! Roar, if they were in a rush too, I wouldn't have minded them kiasu-ly squeeze in front of me to get closer to the road, but if not, why do that?? Am I blocking the traffic light??

This behaviour is also replicated elsewhere (read no.3), and it also makes my blood curd.

3. Getting off MRTs. Some people seem to think they are the only people who wants to get off a certain stop, squeezing past people who also intend to get off, just to get right in front of the door before it opens. And when the door really does open, they walk off like machiam making grand entrance, must enjoy the moment and treasure each second they walk out of the door. Sorry to destroy their moment of glory, but not only people want to get off after them, there are people trying to get on too! (Wah talking about impatient and kiasu people trying to squeeze into the train while people are coming out, I can write another essay) Anyway this situation applies only when train is full. If not, take all the time you want~

The list goes on forever when I start on public transport courtesy, but no stamina to talk so much. Enough angst released for the day.

Probably it's PMS, so this is for a certain someone who would certainly be reading this post! ROARRRRRR at you! Hmph :( Why does the smallest things make you feel dissatisfied? Maybe I'm really a terrible girlfriend after all. I'm not perfect. But I keep trying. (Even though with some angst inside) Boo!

2011-06-29T01:37:00.002+08:00

Oh god, it's been so SOOOOO long since I last came. I was a year younger when I previously posted! D:

Anyway, am moving on to second year in NUS. Time passed bloody fast... It really just feel like Oweek'10 not long ago, and now Arts Camp'11 is already over!!! Was OGL for S2 (SHY!) and was impacted by the experience. S House in my Heart! I probably won't be able to keep up with everything, being occupied with other stuff but I'll remember this camp and this OG (my kids) forever. It's a completely different type of experience from organizing VJC orientation; it was more on the ground level. I wouldn't say any is better than the other, they are simply different and I'm glad I had a chance to try both :)

Still am pursuing my passion in CJ, singing and dancing (though much less dancing for this period of time due to arts camp!). Lost my voice but still performed at Bukit Timah Plaza last Sunday, refused to let the chance go.. Each exposure is an experience! Plus, it was the first gig of this era's vocal crew! Am glad I had the chance :)

Enjoying my holidays now while I can!

2011-02-07T23:45:00.001+08:00

LAST 15 MIN OF BEING 19 D:

2011-01-18T16:07:00.002+08:00

I suddenly remembered scene at home yesterday.

(in the kitchen)

bro: (walks in) WAAAA 餓死了媽你煮什麼?

(bro looks at plate of veggies intently, stares at something for awhile)

bro: 這個什麼? EEEEEEEEE 做麼有蝸牛的????

mom and I: O_O 蝸牛????

mom: (after scrutinizing) orh... 這個是魚的眼睛啦.

bro: 做麼會有魚的眼睛的???!!?

mom: 不知道, 可能剛才爸爸吃了掉下去啦.

bro: 你有煮魚meh????

mom: (over-enthusiastic) 有!!!!

(pause.)

bro: WAAAA 我今天很飽啊, 超級飽, 剛才老板請我吃飯... (leaves)

me: O_O

AND OMG SOMETHING SUAY TTM JUST HAPPENED. ZZZZ.

2010-12-22T00:48:00.003+08:00

心中有太多太多的感覺

我自己都不知怎麼收拾

真的希望我所做的决定是對的

就算沒有對或錯

我也希望這是最好的

這一路走來我從來沒有後悔過

我珍惜所有回憶所有的喜怒哀樂

也許是天時地利人和不對吧

我不忍心以後不歡而散

就這樣失去我生命中那麼重要的人

也許是我自私吧

選擇在我還在乎的時候放下

就算怕自己會後悔會動搖

我也得勇敢地試著

謝謝你也勇敢地接受成熟地對待

以後的路不容易走

我會一直想起你擔心你

但我相信我們會熬過去

變得更堅強

你也會遇到更好的人

我祝福你也祝福自己

我們的將來都會過得更好晴空萬里

我永遠都不會忘記

我愛你.

再給我兩分鐘讓我把記憶結成冰
別融化了眼淚妳妝都花了要我怎麼記得
記得妳叫我忘了吧記得妳叫我忘了吧
妳說妳會哭不是因為在乎

2010-10-01T02:37:00.003+08:00

i am wide awake at 230 in the morning, all thanks to the chionging of midterm papers for the past week. but god, after all the effort put in, i am still gonna flunk everything anyway. just not a school-tests person i guess. i'll never be able to do well on a normal school day.

psychology has taken a toll on me. i cant even bring myself to think about the mcq. all i can do is pray hard it wont be so so so bad. and the midterms paper! even though it's the shortest assignment i have out of the 3, it's the one that fried my brain the most. im just not articulate enough to phrase all my ideas concisely and impressively. gah.

am getting to like southeast asia studies more and more. being super last min, i only went on the solo field trip on tues when my reflection was due thursday! so it was like, chiong to the place, chiong to leekongchian ref library, then chiong home cos i have no freaking laptop to do work while i was researching at the library. on a side note, i actually got lost trying to find the place i wanted to go (burmese buddhist temple) i literally had a backpacking trip all by myself in singapore, travelling everywhere on foot and even travelled near 1km beyond the place i was trying to go T_T in any case, i had fun and lotsa thoughts about my trip to the temple but i dont wanna do another reflection paper sharing over here lol!

having stayed up beyond 3am for the past few days (5am on tues), i find myself wide awake now even though i've (finally) completed and submitted my last assignment of the week. im definitely gonna stone a few hours in bed before drifting off to sleep. goodness.

after tmr, i wont be able to say 'i have never owned an apple product' while playing i have never. because! i have finally realised and deeply experienced the agony of not having a laptop while travelling every where wasting time when i could have done work if i had a lappie. so! imma get a macbook pro! (i get slightly annoyed everytime i think of jona telling me to buy ibm -_-)

okay next weeks e learning week, and BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION WEEK cos have been postponing bday stuff with people due to stupid midterms. but i still got that TS performance critique to do, genes brochure, southeast asian project....... (never ending list). gotta plan my time properly and i hope e learning doesnt require us to sit at our computers and attend lessons at that exact time of the day. what am i gonna do if im on the bus/train?!

im not sleepy yet. oh no.

2010-09-12T23:34:00.001+08:00

Mental and emotional exhaustion.

2010-09-03T22:46:00.002+08:00

Some random things in my mind.

1. Playful kiss will never replace the status It Started With A Kiss has in my heart.
2. I really want to go for KPOP Night Concert.
3. I have no idea how to get tickets to the concert.
4. I wonder if I will be able to make edible food for the picnic tomorrow.
5. My Girlfriend is a Nine-tailed Fox is totally awesome.
6. My boyfriend is subway.
7. Why do we always forgive friends easily if they do something wrong like spoil a pet object of yours, but if the same thing happens with family members you burst with anger?
8. I can't stand taking public transport due to ugly commuters.
9. I can't wait for more of Lucifer tomorrow.
10. I'm waiting for Godot.

2010-08-24T12:50:00.002+08:00

I think God is telling me to study.

It's my free day today, yoohoo. I can't believe I actually managed to solve the problem I had with my blogskin and make it viewable again. So here goes, haha. I may actually have the mood to start crapping about my life again. Narcissistic much.

And astoundingly, my blog is.... Six years old!!! Six years worth of (punctuated) memories all in this webpage. Six years of the journey of growing up, from using twit language to complaining about childish stuff to talking about issues to whining about the futility of life, I think the change of mindset from an unsatisfied rowdy teenager to erm, still an unsatisfied but disillusioned teenager (albeit the last year as a teen) is pretty obvious. If I ever lose my memory, please introduce me to this blog to have a laugh.

So, I guess I have given up the Voices auditions. Was weighing the pros and cons of joining and decided not to give myself too much commitment (after lessons learnt in the past six years). Because knowing myself, I would definitely give an unproportionately large amount of time to the things I am more interested in when compared to studying. Besides, I already have CJ! :) With the recital coming up, I want to be dedicated to preparing for it. Furthermore, the timings for Voices practice and vocal training at CJ clash head on.

This may sound ironic, but I am going for Blast! auditions. On the basis that I probably wouldn't get pass them since I do not have sufficient hip hop background, I guess it wouldn't hurt to go learn another set of choreography! More exposure is good, right?

Boring Tuesday!

2010-08-15T18:43:00.004+08:00

3 months later from the previous post, and i feel like a year has passed. my tagboard is filled with spam which i probably wont ever bother to clear, and i wonder if anyone is even still watchin this space.

to update my life since the last time i blogged, there are only two things worth talking about.

1. i've been more active at cj(not catholic jc but celine jessandra school of performing arts).

2. i've started schooling at NUS.

both are positive things, i believe. i find myself anticipating each friday for vocals, and must really thank laoshi for giving me the opportunity to learn singing (and perform! trivia: performed a week ago for NTU with clement the god), something i always really wanted but would never have had the chance to go for due to monetary reasons. for quite awhile sundays have always been spent practising Gee dance for the ndp observation ceremony with minister george yeo. it was really fun. dance is something i never extensively explored but secretly loved to try, so small stuff like this excites me like... hmm i realise i havent had anything that excited me in a long while.

nus has been the bomb; i remember feeling extremely skeptical when i signed up for o week with weiting, not feeling ready to accept new things yet but knowing there is a need to make friends before the semester starts. but it has been a surprise up till now, feel glad that i'm part of the og S2(suddenly) which consists of many people due to the previous generations of s2 haha. grew from debating whether to stayover during camps to whining that i couldnt make it for certain activities due to other commitments. so evidently it was a great experience? :)

still cant adjust entirely to the weird timetable i have, and the campus. navigating around school is currently still a chore cos being stupid me, i have chosen the modules by myself without asking people around and ended up having to travel across the campus alone a few times. thank god for friendly people i met along the way which expelled all fear (if any) towards school.

i have gotten over the double rejection from mass comm in ntu, and would still like to scream 'its your loss!!!!!' in their face (haha dont mind me like i said its sour grapes), but am starting to love arts. though weirdly this sem i have chosen 2 sciency modules :/ i know my innate bio desires ahahha. for crap's sake i will list out the modules i am taking.

1. psychology exposure
2. southeast asian studies
3. theatre studies (oh man, what a joke)
4. genes and society
5. microbes and how it changed human history

i think this is the most exciting combi i would ever take in my years at nus hahahah, due to taking theatre with old tsd ppl and the two bio things. psych is a must, and hopefully sea is as exciting as what all the seniors have been saying.

alright. it must be obvious i am just bored at home (first sunday without going out for a really long time), even i feel the lethargy in my words. being crazy me, it's hard to find a time where exclamation marks are nonexistent in my words. ohwells. it's getting old. old blog (since 2004), old tagboard, old guestbook. old age can be sexy, due to the amount of information(not wisdom) it beholds. but mostly, old age just entails abandonment. evident in all three mentioned avenues here.

erm.

i am amused by my attempt to talk to myself.

2010-05-11T02:33:00.002+08:00

i can really do with better management of time. or rather just better handling of emotions.

reading harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban online (skipping many many parts but read at least half the book) in 4 hours and dancing away sure is a good form of distraction.

im finally off to bed.

2010-04-08T01:08:00.003+08:00

i dont care how late it is, i must gush about this today!!!

as we were supposed to keep it confidential (till it's over), i havent told much people whats the sudden hype in my life. now i can!

having taken up a dance course in celinejessandra school of performing arts, it was coincidental that the SBS (Seoul Broadcasting System) wanted to come to cj to film us dancing snsd dances as a representation of how the korean wave is taking over singapore. with some stroke of good luck i was chosen to be one of the ten girls to dance in the lesson and take part in the show! thank god the teacher(feels weird calling her that) told me to ask wanswen after awhile, otherwise i would be stranded and lonely :/

spent monday and tuesday evenings dancing nonstop in the studio to perfect gee and genie and finally today it's the day!

there was a man and a woman that hosted the show and they are so cute, it's totally how the hosts behave on the korean variety shows we watch! even though we didnt understand them one bit but it was exciting still. before the filming started the male host took out his phone and showed me and another friend cassandra photos of him and many korean stars, including members from snsd, brown eyed girls, etc!! ohmygod i was secretly hyperventilating but i kept my cool, but that was so awesome!! and he was boasting that he's their friend and all, trying to make me and my friend envious ohmygod. (and taeyeon was so cute in one of the candid photos with yuri and that host!)

filming started with the guys dancing gee (everyone else acts as students watching a lesson), there was this guy that was quite cute as he was the only one from that group that could speak and understand quite a bit of korean! he was being super enthu and all! then it came to these 5 very pro girls that i think are the cj crew. they danced nobody by wondergirls and they were superb! like omg so professional. then after interview interview it became our turn (girls) to dance genie. ahhh felt the adrenaline rush!

then the memorable part came. after dancing the hosts chatted with us and after talking to two people in the group the PD suddenly pointed and me and said some stuff i didnt understand but i caught the word sooyoung! then the hosts were staring and me and discussing something very animatedly looking very amazed. then the female host explained that they think i look very much like sooyoung! ahhhh omg but i have ugly teeth the male host made me close my mouth so i look better lol!

then subsequently i was known as 'sooyoung' to the PD and the hosts and some students! even though i myself think i dont really resemble her but i feel super honoured!! and it's so cool that not only my friends told me so but the koreans that have interacted with sooyoung personally thought so too!!! -daydreams-

yeahh and the tv people gave us a surprise, which is a video of snsd themselves saying hi to us in singapore (and only we get to watch it!!) then promoting korea as a tourist destination. before that there were some technical errors so we took a small break; then the pd came and asked me to follow him out of the studio to stand beside the snsd's Oh! poster just to compare the resemblance between sooyoung and me! ahhhhhhh omg i am a crazy fangirl now.

hmm when it was about to end they gave out 5 run devil run posters personally signed by all the members of snsd! gah, i sang a song but it was just that, i gladly lose to the other people that answered the quizzes so amazingly and did more daring stuff in front of the camera to win the poster! im just happy enough i could take a photo with the signed poster :D and nigel from my snsd class is giving me the unsigned one he has since he won the autographed one!!! ohmygod.

it then ended with us saying 'fan of korea, fighting!', taking group photos, last few small group interviews then all the 'kamsahamnida's. ahhhh good things end fast! :( but the happiness is lasting. ahhhh. i just cant stop spazzing now. :D

okay okay i've said enough i think it's time to go to sleep or i cant wait up for work tmr like how i couldnt the past two days!

sooyoungie!!!! :)

2010-03-01T00:48:00.002+08:00

time is getting on. am starting to get used to working life, no matter how much i abhor it. alright i dont hate it, just feel wistful about not being able to do a job that i may possibly like better. it's routine life which i hate. i dont like the feeling of being... unfulfilled. in school, i used to go home real late, exhausted, and dreaded the amount of homework which i never really got around to doing. but those times were fulfilling. i go home each day thinking about the people i saw in school, the things i did or didnt do, etc etc. school was a beautiful place. now i get home in the evenings relieved that the day is finally over. i haven't been analysing why im miserable at work, other than pay and duty issues, but now i know why.

i think i just feel lonely.

it's not that i haven't made friends, but i couldnt possible make any close friends there at all... they're all of a different generation, only one person in the whole workplace is unmarried and she's 27, the rest are wedded with children and has family responsibilities. being the maknae(meaning the youngest one in korean) sounds good and is good at times because all the adults take care of you, but other times... i just feel lonely. it's probably the main source of my discontent. afterall, what's impt is not what you do, but the company that you have. i miss my friends.

well work aside, life is alright, started dance classes! am looking forward to saturdays with wanswen at cj, learning snsd dances for 2 months! ahh happiness.

and yeah, i guess many people should know now, that i put up videos of my dances onto youtube. took me lotsa courage to overcome the fear of rejection, and being teased by friends who might find this action ridiculous. but i guess if it's something i really like to do, i shouldnt be afraid to do it and not let other people deter me from doing it. much less ppl who just watch you to ridicule you. but i am still a coward for i put it up onto youtube instead of facebook for direct scrutiny of my friends.

didnt expect anything in return but earning two suscribers and a few appreciation msgs in my inbox really made my day and made my venture worthwhile. thanks to whoever you people are :)

since young i've loved acting singing and dancing.. i dont know if it is apparent to people who know me, but i've never really expressed verbally about them. with the exception of singing :D looking back at what i've done, i realised it was pretty obvious after all. chinese theatre in sec sch, tsd in jc, speech/public speaking competitions. singing competitions, mass dance ic... haha. i still dont know where the fear of letting people know i like to perform comes from. sigh.

enough frowns for the night.. am bound to have monday blues tmr.

2010-02-04T21:51:00.002+08:00

this week has been the most conflicting week for me so far since the year started. to be in a constant dilemma, to be trapped between options and problems etc. the body is taking a toll on me im getting periodic headaches not to mention it's the time of the month. my mood hits rock bottom with many things to worry, whether or not they directly concern me.

but there's still the other extreme end of the mood that surfaced, was very pleasantly surprised by some councillors (especially geri) who surprised me for my birthday 5 days before the actual day :D it was a genuine surprise, i really didnt expect it. was really happy even though i was sporting the pounding headache. carrying 8 big green helium balloons around orchard and the mrt was AA but i couldnt care less about it. thanks for the wonderful cake (they decorated themselves!!) and presents, <3! and sorry if this thing caused any inconvenience (eg. collin carrying balloons all around) and trouble.. am really happy and it was memorable :) love to geri wanswen collin kenrick zhengjun victoria!

emotions at both of the extremes cant really seem to balance out each other, i just find myself swinging from one end to the other, it's the ultimate. i cant feel more screwed up than this... aye but i predict i'll be on a constant high tmr during mass dance @ suntec! totally cant wait for it. TGIF.

2010-01-18T22:49:00.003+08:00

hahaha logged into blogger just to see how many posts i have in order to reply wanswen at her tagboard and decided i should come and talk talk about what's happened recently. ahh it sounds like such a no-point post!

new year... started work zomg :( i feel my life wasted away typing in data after data. the job is so brainless yet so draining!! i keep finding myself drifting out of focus and my subconsious mind continues to control my body to do the job while i daydream about other stuff. and! i would panic and not realise what i have been typing and check every single thing again (miraculously my subconscious state is an efficient and effective one!)

i sometimes find no purpose in my job since im doing the data entry for records and not really anyone would go look at it ever again after i did them! besides they have the actual records on paper which they file away and keep, just that they are in another format. argh, while spending hours in the office i feel my life and time slipping away. therefore i try to regain my life in the weekends before i become an office zombie.

johnny's bday came and went, wasted part of the day cos i arrived late at his house and somemore got attracted to some science-y magazines i always liked hahah. but aye the day passed, he ate his long desired carl's junior and before we could even digest we started walking towards the place we wanted dinner at hahah. timbre! the environment is really nice, but even though we went super early the whole place was booked we had to sit in the smoking area (but ventilation is good since it's alfresco dining. (but i later read from hungrygowhere.com that the service there is horrible. thank god we didnt ask for much)

fort canning is such a beautiful place. :)

class bbq was a success! thanks phyllis naomi and anyone else that helped organize it :D i was surprised at the attendance, and i love the name of the condo (aquarius by the park hahaha)! it's nice to see almost the whole class together, considering we arent super bonded! for once junfeng washed his hands off the bbq pit since he wore a white shirt, but you could like see him fidget everywhere and throwing exasperated glances at the rest of the guys (minus ryan) being headless houseflies barbecueing things! truth dare or drink was quite fun even though i think the iphone was biased against me. then all the intellectual talk while sitting by the pool under the stars... sigh sigh, hope we have more of such things :):) and i want the class photo! :D

i never dreaded monday in the past cos no matter how tiring school was i looked forward to it. but now that im working, i never need mondays to be less blue :( please tell me the week will be over soon.

2009-12-29T20:56:00.002+08:00

following my degenerating brain comes a deteriorating memory; i feel the need to record what happened within the past awesome week lest i forget i ever had such good times before i plunge into the darkness of lives of the working population.

spent xmas eve till sunday with jon, hahha fully utilised his holiday break!

due to my malfunctioning body clock we only managed to go out xmas eve really late :/ had dinner at lot1 (freaking far!) then went to the night safari!! my first time :D eternal regret cos we didnt bring any decent camera :( had alot of fun, and love some animals especially the slow loris! it's so slow and cong rong, super cute! the performance was so popular we had to start queueing half an hour before in order to get slightly better seats. it was a great trip and was quite glad we completed the trail on foot and was just in time for the show :) it got abit too late when we finally left and reached my house, so he stayed over :D

he left at noon, but a few hours later i saw him again at his house for xmas dinner! it was like wah! the whole table filled with festive food! i've never had a proper xmas celebration complete with xmas meal before, so i felt the mood and bliss for the first time :) i still dont know why eating logcakes is a tradition :/

saturday was my mum's bday. mixed feelings cos it caused both happiness and disappointment. all those that were concerned should already know my story, about how i sincerely picked out a present (which isnt cheap) for my mum only for her to say she doesnt really like it, followed by bringing me back to the place the next day to ask for an exchange. but ohwells. at least that wasnt before i went for an awesome walk after the bday dinner with jona, from buangkok all the way to near fernvale before heading back :)

enjoyed solitude on sun after running someone's errand, borrowed some books and sat down at kfc (okay doesnt sound like a nice place to read but i was hungry) for a good hour plus. not to mention shopping alone, it's the bare amount of shopping i do but at least it was enjoyable (:

ah, monday. was da bomb! :D picnic at marina barrage with the orientation adhoc! ahhhh no words to describe but i went home a happy girl! from shopping for the picnic to travelling there to eating under the rain to shifting to shelter to reminiscing about the past to flying the kite to trying to get the kite to fly to the fountain of wealth to newyorknewyork for the yankee burger... i cherished what we were and what we have, and can only wish hard that these bonds would stay and we could have more of such outings in the future :) thanks oadhoc for all the memories we share.

and today is the mom-gets-angry-so-i-stay-at-home day :( aye, 5 days till i start work, till paying for adult fare for transport, till a routined life yet again. i will miss the freedom i have, sleeping in, meeting up random ppl in the day to catch up or just stone. 2010 is approaching fast, and i shall hold on to whatever 2009 i have left.

2009-12-23T21:49:00.002+08:00

當你真心對待一個人的時候, 他一定會感受得到.

life's good. life feels good. great company, great times for the past week and more. sleeping at 4am and waking at 2pm doesnt feel bad. my breakfast is the lunch and my lunch is the dinner, and woohoo no dinner = less carb = lose weight. but no exercise = gain weight. so displacement zero. no loss no gain.

this is my laziest xmas preparation so far. i havent done/made/bought ANYTHING. omgosh. need to go shopping and start burning holes in my pocket. should i still send out (currently non-existant) cards?

i need to stop my brain from degenerating!

did i ever say im a closet dancer lols. trying to learn dances from youtube is kinda fun especially when ure noob and alone cos no one will be there to judge you :D went to search up ocean butterflies but they didnt put up course fees so :/ sigh!

been looking at the things around me and reflecting on certain relationships with people, dont know it's a good or bad thing since there are people whom i think i should catch up with but at the same time just feel like letting them go.

but anyway i am cherishing what i have, group of people that will solidly be there whenever i am in some crisis or just need a listening ear. after feb and after apr next year i dont know how many people i'll be left with. sigh.

treasure time cos it flies.

2009-12-11T01:27:00.002+08:00

ah, finally some time to sit down and nua, been hectic since A's ended!

chalet was great, not only the place(it was actually 3 hotel rooms in orchid country club) but especially the company (: feels as if i've got a new family, everyone's warm and nice. thanks for the xmas present, it was a pleasant surprise :D aye, i am camera shy. a pity time flew by so fast :( :(

spent a bomb going out with my cousin and a bigger bomb shopping for prom. zomg. my savings are disappearing fast!!! shopping was fun though tiring, thanks esti sandy len sweej for helping me look out for stuff before hand and especially len and zhanyi for staying behind so long to help me get all my stuff! even i was tired, let alone y'all!

prom was alright, not fantastic but i was happy. post prom was da bomb, ktv at suites(branch of kbox) till 3am zomg the place is super nice! there were like 15 of us or smth and the room was big enough to contain! didnt have chance to sing much but it didnt matter at all!

went back to sweejin's place and zombiefied. we looked at the moon through sweejin's telescope awesome! it is like super high definition, we could see the craters on the surface of the moon super clearly! was so amazed. but i didnt stay awake enough to join their chat when the sun was rising heh. had good sleep.

yeh so finally it's resting time.

2009-11-25T14:46:00.004+08:00

i relooked at all the presents i received and kept from secondary school this morning, and it set me into a pensieve mood. they were mainly qihang presents, some xubie presents, some birthday presents, and a lot, a lot of letters.

i felt childish looking at the conversations i had in the past, things that i was bothered about, and the presents which i gave others(i kept some of the extras). i was so stupid! i felt like burying my head in the ground even though there wasnt anyone here to scrutinise me but myself.

nevertheless, i had a great time reminiscing about the past. it was a journey i was thankful for. i never really cherished my time till i reached sec4 and had niwangheisidai, as well as the 3 si dang i had in class. it wasnt too late at that point of time, but when i dug out my stuff just now, i realised i had lost (or rather drifted from) too many people whom i could have treasured and kept in good contact till now.

there are three people whom i exceptionally feel a sense of remorse for not being a better friend to. just want to say here, though none of you might ever read this, that i do remember the times we had and have put them in the bottom of my heart, even though i didnt really express anything and didnt bother much to catch up..

jiayi
i was a childish junior, my goodness. i didnt know i actually kept all the letters we exchanged when i was in sec1. there were really a lot!! looking at those letters, i cannot imagine that we never became good friends eventually. actually i guess we were never really close as friends, i always looked onto you as a mentor, a senior that i was honoured to be acquainted with then. i laughed when you asked me in one letter if the rumours that i liked you were true. looking back i guess the people that spread the rumour had a point; i think i kinda looked up to you as an idol lol. in my impression, you were (and are) always the much more mature person than me even though you were only a year older (a few months if you are ngiao haha). i am glad i had you to listen to my rants about the stupid things that happened to me in sec 1, and gave me loads of advice too. we always wanted to go on an outing, but we never achieved it haha! abit ke xi that we werent that close anymore after 2004, even when i entered lishihui and we had xiaopin and tingkanbieshuo in 2006. there was just barrier between us that kept us from communicating more than work stuff. been in the same school with you for 4 years but :/ never used the opportunity to make the friendship work. nevertheless, i just want you to know that you played a part in my sn life, thanks and all the best for your future endeavours!

monica
tian tian mei. remember? it was so so so long ago. i must really apologise for the lack of initiative in keeping in contact, after you came back for good from qatar. my deepest and happiest memories with you still comes from the times in sec2charity when you came back to sn for awhile. those were really good times, and i was so sad when you left again! truly. all these years, your name has always been at the back of my mind, subconsciously stored under the 'impt friend' section. even till now. but i lacked the courage to catch up with you constantly because so many things have happened in your life which i have missed, and let it be. looking at the gifts i received from you, and the good luck for A level msg you sent out, i have indeed taken you for granted. not sure whether it is too late now, but i just want to tell you that i havent forgotten you, not at all. date me out someday if you see this...? :) i miss you.

louisa
hmm. i've left the hardest to say for the last. i dont know where to start. it's been long since i've talked to you. much longer than the two people mentioned above. actually i wonder how we became friends in the first place in sec1. we are obviously very different people, with super contrasting background, language, etc.. we were both stubborn, naive(in the past), and had all sorts of personality clashes that made it hard for anyone to believe that we were such close friends in sec 1. but we were. i remember the stupid times we fought; the whole class avoided us like nuclear bombs. it's funny to recall now... and we always reconciled and laughed about it after. it happened so many times in a year, i think we're pretty unique, haha. i remember you would bring an extra sausage for me in the mornings, and i would disturb you with your alarm tone(the pink phone haha -_-). i remember music lessons, dnt lessons, recess. i remember going to your house and see sniky lie flat on the ground like a carpet and how you always complained you were scared you would step on her. we had loads of memories just in the short year alone, before you went to purity (and breaking ur charity record) and we never talked again after awhile. i'm not sure why we stopped communicating... i dont remember us having any conflicts. it's just pure drift, and a scary one too. i've known myself to be a very passive person when it comes to maintaining friendships... and it has cost me a few precious ones, like yours. we are so different; it was a miracle we had such great memories together. as much as we may never ever return to the past or possibly talk again, i want you to know that i appreciated you as a friend. thanks for giving in your all into the friendship, it is your strength and i'm sure many people love you for it. these are things i always felt and never said.. not sure if you would see this but yepp. you get me, right?

aye.. burden off my chest. i guess i need to learn to be proactive in this kind of things. aquarius people are said to be emotionally detached, but maybe for me it's merely a facade.

but i am such a lousy friend.

i miss liyi charmaine peiyi
i miss xuezhen
MUST LOOK FOR YALL!!!
can't afford to lose yall too.

im going crazy :( crazy after releasing too much all at the same time, haha.

2009-11-14T02:30:00.003+08:00

more than half of my papers are over, i now have one paper next tues, two papers next next monday, then finally the last two papers on the 3rd and 4th. slacked the whole of today away and discovered that my body clock is really screwed cos it's 230 now and my brain is at its optimum.

worried about the papers that are over but there's nothing i can do about them. i just know for sure that my GP is gone, gah. downfall of bad time management. and math! screw careless mistakes!

i feel bored talking about exams but i realise my life is that boring now... studying, or rather 'studying' at the airport was fun, hahahha! growing water infants(haha) and all the thoughtful discussions/random gossip etc. at times like this it makes me feel that life is actually not as bad as what everyone perceives it to be :)

i think i should force myself to go to bed. and anyone that's actually reading this, please do drop a hi at the tagboard! it is terribly dead. i miss the feeling of finding new msgs on my tag, gah! or maybe all the stat jumps on my page are contributed by strangers? :/

i miss entries in my guestbook :(

2009-11-07T23:30:00.003+08:00

A's is in two days. haha. studied for two years, six years, twelve years just for these four weeks.

but it seems like im just gonna let them pass like the wind..

what have i been freaking doing? :(

the toughest part will be the first week. when it's over, my A's are practically over too.

no being bothered by other people. when this week passes, i must know i have done my best. i do not care how others do. and i wont let others sway my thoughts.

i hope i am ready.

2009-10-26T00:12:00.002+08:00

tonight, i WILL bid goodbye to my computer. i MUST. no more 'i'll only go online to read FML and play a short game of solitaire'. no more facebook no more youtube no more kang xi lai le no more bloghopping! NO MORE!!!!

felt better after the chat on the phone last night... like having said everything that was bothering me. i think i just need to talk. whenever i meet troubles, all i need is to talk and i'll instantly feel better.

today was even better, due to the surprise visit. my deaf ears couldn hear him calling out my name (like once in a lifetime) to get my attention before my mum and dad called me to open the door for him. thanks for the hersheys, the milk and the m&ms, and most importantly, your time. i swear if i didnt see you today, i would go berserk and burst from uncontrollable internal restrain. i'm sorry i've been nothing but trouble and worries, but i hope you do know the reasons behind..

and even though you wont see this in time and i wouldnt even know if you've seen it, please take care of yourself and drink lotsa water! i cant afford to not see you, and i cant afford to fall sick so you had better get well soon :)

i really hope i wont come on again. i need to practise discipline. come on fighting spirit! come back to me! or i'm gonna bribe other people's fighting spirits to come and fight for me!

all the best for A levels everyone. in 6 week's time, we'll be flying.

2009-10-24T01:32:00.003+08:00

我不奢望
我也不指望

但如果你給了我希望
能不能不讓我失望?

2009-10-10T12:39:00.002+08:00

Prelim results are back, aye. I can't explain my gratitude towards mr pek for what he has done, but it wouldnt be good to announce here so.... i just have to say i am very touched! :'( ayee im just glad that for now i passed everything.

a lil overdue, that was surprising peiyi at victoria hall! scary thing cos while waiting for peiyi in the canteen at around 10pm, mr tan (yew hwee) came over! you can imagine the rest :/

it was farewell assembly yesterday, felt a little overwhelmed during certain parts of the programme, especially at the teachers' video. the programme last year was better, but this year is special too i guess. it's probably the last day the class would get together before the big a's. my impression of s34 is retained at the pae period where we all goofed around during the breaks, the happy and carefree j1s. i find it hard to accept that 2 years have passed so fast; it was practically yesterday when i first stepped into the hall in my pinafore, with many other colourful uniforms surrounding me. and now, we were the graduating batch sitting at the front of the hall looking at videos seeing what we've been through. it's been so much, but it has been so fast. mr chan's speech 'nobody, nobody but you (butt choo)' was surprisingly good and meaningful. i havent and will never regret coming to vjc, for the people i've met, for the things that happened, for the identity. i'll always walk proud out of school in my uniform or even the slightly hideous pe shirt, and all the sch related shirts that shout vjc.

s34 went to the airport to hang out, it was great just being in everyone's presence. no special words were exchanged even though we knew it was possibly the last time we could gather so happily while not thinking about studies (even though its at the back of our mind). played games not unlike an og outing, and left separately after that... :(

went for open house! less people attended this year, but more hype! stayed throughout and had lotsa fun (: went for both mass dance sessions and omg, due to lack of exercise these two sessions nearly killed me. but anyway good job 26ths, super nova rocked :)

Photo with the bubble machine! failed shot, better shots with zj (:

with the school cat that was featured in mr chan's speech! :D

Haha okay this is a little incongrous to the whole post but i just wanna put it up! the more you say you ugly the more i want to put up your photos. lol we ugly together okay?

i wish i could swap my eyes for yours :(

2009-09-19T22:30:00.002+08:00

haha happy 10.

i dont know what's up with my sudden openness about posting up pictures haha but i guess there's no reason not to anyway. dont know why the photo's so blur even though its resolution is not bad :/ but other than not being able to accept the fact that he has bigger eyes than me (hurr), i like the picture :)

thanks for being here, when times are so bad and when i feel as if there's no other people to tell what's going on. i hope i didnt shock you with my dismal life all these while with things i never got to tell you about cos i was too happy to be in ur company. but thanks for the support and concern, i dont know if anyone else in the world actually really cares about what's happening in my life now. im just glad i have you.

2009-09-09T13:42:00.000+08:00

this is as dead as me, i swear. i can hardly bring myself to revive it, but reviving it seems like a better obtion than reviving myself :/

prelims preparations are shit. i wonder when i will ever peak. maybe i need the prelim results to come back and shock me into the mood. argh!

but otherwise, life has been pretty great. am so tempted to post up pictures taken from the recent months, they make things bearable at least. but blogger seems to be in a weird mood, or maybe my computer :/

there're a couple of people im missing right now, a couple from sn, some from vj, and of course the last one that i'll miss even when i probably see him more often than anyone else -_- there you go i said it. now you cant say you got nothing to read on my blog hurr.

xuezhen/liyi/charmaine/peiyi! whoever who sees this date me! i miss yall :(

2009-07-14T23:25:00.002+08:00

my mono and duo's in less than 24 hours' time, but i am feeling weirdly calm even though the thoughts of my inadequacy are swarming around in my head. so are the tangled-up neurons in the brain. i need to get rid of the pounding by tomorrow morning, so i can keep a sane and peaceful head.

i must say as much as i miss last year, the exams this year make me realise how important the 0809 batch is to me. it is us that pulled through last year together, crewing and slotting upside down for at least 7 seniors each, coordinating and organising public p, shutting up for seniors around the sch/spaces, worrying for their pieces, everything. yet this year, it is still us, the same batch, fending for ourselves for everything mentioned above. i might complain, but i do not regret. it is after all the last batch of tsd students that have experienced the spirit and camaraderie. i do pity the juniors that they do not have the luxury to enjoy anything we did. but looking at them now, it is only their own loss since they do not attempt to contribute anyway (the bulk of them).

ohwells i guess it isnt the best time to lament all these. i love you tsd 08 batch! we will shine and emerge happy and fulfilled champions (: anticipate friday, lovelies.

2009-06-14T20:48:00.004+08:00

all i know is i'm going crazy.

Lost WIthout You - Delta Goodrem

I know I can be a little stubborn sometimes
A little righteous and too proud
I just want to find a way to compromise
Cos I believe that we can work things out

I thought I had all the answers never giving in
But baby since you’ve gone I admit that I was wrong

All I know is I’m lost without you I’m not gonna lie
How my going to be strong without you I need you by my side
If we ever say we’ll never be together and we ended with goodbye
Don’t know what I’d do
I’m lost without you
I keep trying to find my way but all I know is I’m lost without you
I keep trying to face the day I’m lost without you

How my ever gonna get rid of these blues
Baby I’m so lonely all the time
Everywhere I go I get so confused
You’re the only thing that’s on my mind

Oh my bed's so cold at night and I miss you more each day
Only you can make it right no I’m not too proud to say

If I could only hold you now and make the pain just go away
Can’t stop the tears from running down my face

2009-06-14T02:23:00.004+08:00

失眠

想起我不完美你会不会
逃离我生命的范围
想著你的滋味我会不会
把这个枕头变得甜美

*想起白天的約会
忘了晚上的咖啡
只怕感情如潮水
远离我梦中的堡垒

*一个人失眠全世界失眠
无辜的街灯守候明天
幸福的失眠只是因为害怕闭上眼
如何想你想到六点
如何爱你爱到终点

想起我的时候你会不会
好像我一样不能睡
想像你的曖昧我会不会
数不到绵羊一双一对

i will not seek.

2009-06-11T00:33:00.003+08:00

i have a stubborn ulcer that healed but is now growing back even before the ulcer scar disappeared. but finally the nosebleed season is dying down, am not getting anymore in the mornings or at night. so shifu! lol even though you wont be seeing this, you dont have to give me ur power herbal medicine etc anymore!

i remember last yr his power herbal pill healed my crater ulcer(record setting, according to people who saw it)! but it failed to cure ryan's, probably because he purposely, crazily, stubbornly rubbed salt into the wound(literally) while we were doing pw at yixiang's house last yr, even though i kept telling him it wouldnt work.

i am lazy bum. i hope i will stick to my schedule. but my math is seriously dead. ahhhh! shen ah, jiu jiu wo ba! i need a power brain!

been having lotsa moodswings lately. which is irritating, because i cant control them and i am bloody affected. need to stop the thousand thoughts swimming in my head, and all the irrelevant and useless feelings associated with them. i need a holiday.

oh, the irony. it is the bloody holidays.
you know what? i am so hopelessly into you i want to kill myself. the thing is, im not joking about feeling pathetic.

2009-06-02T21:53:00.002+08:00

it's the holidays.

the string of concerts is over, and there goes all my commitments (and excuses to put off work). musicfest, perfect fifth, resonance. they make my jc2 term 2 so full of colours. even though it meant sacrificing going down for every single match support to redshirt, i guess it was worth it in the end. thanks to all who came to support me, especially the tsd people (: and also random people that i didnt expect to be at the concerts and contributed cheers for me. thanks!

good job to other finalists for musicfest, guitar people and harmoc people as well! yall rock!

with the sudden burst of freedom, i am kinda lost. i know i ought to give some attention to those books and notes i neglected for months. but even when reality's already kicked in, my body still refuses to listen to my brain. maybe my brain aint strong enough. hahah.

also started to ponder on alot of stuff. academia, friendships, relationships, philosophy in general... all these thinking make me feel as if i haven't used my brain in a long time. been too caught up in the whirlwind of school. but ohwells. i dont have much time left to linger around useless things anymore. life is sad.

am listening to tank's new album online. omg! i heart tank!!! <3<3 should i get the album? :( dang, why is my bday not coming. hahahah.

meanwhile, nao's house tmr night to stayover. hurrah, we can spend the night bitching about junfeng who refuses to come cos he wanted to study. winner.

2009-05-16T18:38:00.001+08:00

This is what doing a CC can cause you. be so bored you go draw pictures to determine ur personality.

http://drawapig.desktopcreatures.com/gallery/large.asp?id=1957375&p=0&hof=1&q=personality+test

http://drawahouse.com/
Your house tells the world that you ought to be a leader. You are a freedom lover and a strong person. You love your house and family. You are a gifted artist as well. Once you have a problem, you need a friend with you. Your life is always full of changes. You are very tidy person. There's nothing wrong with that because you're pretty popular among friends. Your life is always full of changes.

When it comes to love, you shut yourself off. It's difficult to win your heart because you have decided to keep your feelings deep inside. You have a strong personality and you like to command, influence and control people.

You added a flower into your drawing. The flower signifies that you long for love. It also safe to say that others don't see you as a flirt. You don't think much about yourself.

2009-05-09T23:58:00.004+08:00

Musicfest 2009: I'm Lovin' it

The journey was a crazy one. It was a spur of the moment decision when I received Lynn's call one day while I was sick at home asking if we wanted to join the competition together. To think I was so sure that I didn't want to join everytime my council friends asked me to, I actually said yes. But ah, honestly at that point of time, I really never thought about the impending stress and trouble I had to experience. I didn't think of the final result as well. But now looking back at that day, I knew I would have regretted it if I said no :)

Auditions went better than we expected, we sang With You by Chris Brown and really enjoyed ourselves. Zomg, I was pretty nervous while enjoying the atmosphere as well; my hands were trembling and my smile was phoney but that 2 minutes onstage were priceless. Thanks to the audience that boosted our confidence(and Leon who started the clapping thing)! :D

Semifinals was crap, in all areas of the competition. The song was super not up to standard due to my lost voice, we couldn't practise till the day before and I sang almost the whole song in falsetto and didn't enjoy myself. Felt so sorry to have pulled Lynn down and was super guilty when we first got to find out that we didn't qualify for the finals. Then came the controversy of how the teachers decided to put a band into the vocal group category, and after a big hooha they were changed to the most unique performance while we were put back into the competition. But we couldn't feel the ecstacy due to the aftermath of all the righteous anger.

While preparing for the finals, we received the biggest blow yet. Knowing we were super last minute for the previous two times, we started out real early this time but two days before the finals the teachers pressurized us to change our song. It was a horrible and unlucky day; we hastily went to Teo Heng to try out songs. But even after we decided and felt happy to be singing what we really love, there was still this niggling thought at the back of our mind, worrying about how the angmoh Victorians would take our performance. Mr Lim's constant reminder about how half the Victorian population is secretly cheena didn't really help much. The rehearsals on the day itself further crushed our confidence; there were so many technical errors and even by the last full run, we didn't have our lights and sounds during the performance.

What stressed us out most was probably the idea of disappointing the friends that supported us.

But on the final day itself (yesterday), I guess it turned out well. Forget about the mic screw-ups, our friends made it all right (: We hope we didn't disappoint all of you! And we are so darn proud of your screams. Love :)

Second really doesn't seem bad at all. In fact, it is darn good! :D

Secret motivation: Jerald talked to the Guest of Honour from MOE and he said he thought we would win the category! Mr Lin Kuan Tai too told me he thought we were the best, zomg! And thanks to the many friends who believed we were great too :)

There are many people I would like to thank:

Councillors (25ths and 26ths)
I am so apologetic that I couldn't be of help to the event due to being a participant. It was such a waste; it's the last event for the 25ths and I can't be there as a councillor. But you all were still here for me as friends. Thanks to every single one of you who gave Futari your support. You all really pulled me out of depress zone and motivated me to continue, especially from Wednesday till Friday. Special thanks to Wanswen, Zhengjun, Szeying, Victoria, Thomas, Andy, for feeling righteous on our behalf and assuring our performance having watched it and knew what the teachers said. Also wanna thank Geraldine, Lennart, Collin, Kenrick, Katharine, Jerald, for putting up with my depressed face on Thursday, motivating me and all. I really appreciated it <3 And of course, great job to all who helped out for duties for the event!

Thanks to the people who were there when I needed you, you know who you are :)

There are many new people I met in the competition, and you all made this experience worthwhile: Hannah, Jed, Lionel, Yelun, and the two other vocal groups Dear Mimosa and 3mic! Musicfest is nothing without all of you!

Of course, thanks Edward(though you'll never see it) for being so imba-ly talented, being able to play the song on piano/guitar just by listening to the song twice. You are our hero! Am so sorry we couldn't acknowledge you yesterday. But you do feel our love, yeah? :D

Also, to all that wished us good luck and gave us your support, you are loved!

Lastly and most importantly, LYNN! You are the best, seriously. Without you, I am nothing. Thanks so much for these two months (is it? It feels really long). Short as they were, I'll never forget them. Remember how we joined CSS two years ago? I'd never imagine I'll be joining a singing competition in the future with you! It's my very very big honour, seriously. Your voice is _____ -speechless- you know what I mean, yeah? It's over now, I guess all the trouble was worthwhile. And look! You didn't disappoint any of your friends! So next time anything happens, don't be disheartened. You know all your friends will be more heartbroken to see you down. Smile! I'm done camwhoring with the trophy. Will give it to you next week or something. You totally deserve it :) LOVE!!!

The following photos are from my lousy camcorder. Only these few :/ Am waiting for the rest I took on Facebook!

Thanks Wanswen. Really :)

Closure.

2009-04-25T00:34:00.002+08:00

thirteenth day and i'm still alive. with a very low level of energy, though.

things have been bad. i have let motivation slip away yet again, i think it has followed a certain someone to another island as well :( grah.

many things happened in the short period of two weeks, stuff regarding musicfest, IS prelims, and tomorrow's performance at esplanade. ah. mentally draining. it doesnt help to have people around you shooting down your confidence intentionally as well.

i dont know what to say. but the horriblest week is at least over. i cant wait for thurs and fri. at least, i think i'll be the happiest i can ever be for the past three weeks.

2009-03-29T22:30:00.002+08:00

have been lazy to blog so havent been publishing anything even though i've tried coming to type some stuff but always gave up half way. but since this time someone special whined about it i shall blog for blogging's sake!

but actually there were quite a number of interesting things to talk about in my life just that they arent all that interesting to be talked about alone :/

ahhhh first there's the common tests! zomg for the first time in more than a year i actually feel slightly relieved about my grades. i passed everything and improved in all subjects except math(bahhhh expected karma, i was too lucky last year)! zomg even mr pek made the point to mention that i improved im so happyyyy! ((: but we havent gotten gp back yet so i shant be happy too soon.

but for friends that did not do well enough or didnt reach ur expectations, im sure yall can make it in the long run!

ohwells. having slacked the whole day, i need to do some work to reduce the feeling of guilt :/ a well as to not drop back into the pit and fail any subjects again!

wanted to blog about my venture to geylang near 11pm at night but hmmmm it's gonna sound kinda weird, i'd rather give a verbal account of the experience. felt rather scared at times but since i have 3 men as protection (where 2 are adults) i guess i was pretty safe. felt kinda dubious about all the men that we walked past, and even more dubious about the scantily dressed women that flooded (i mean it, flooded) the back alleys, away from the main roads. but overall the trip made me think about many things, i guess it's beneficial. even though i dont encourage this but it would be good to go stroll down the little roads of geylang to see what it is really like. just dont make any eyecontact and dont stop walking unnecessarily... haha.

ohwells. i hope it wont be long before i come back to update again. hahah (:

2009-03-20T13:32:00.003+08:00

noms camp is over, but we dont feel much settled. jerald, diana, disco, bunk ics and especially the facils have done our best in passing on what they ought to know, and the rest is up to them. much as i want to talk about details of the camp, whether with the noms or behind the scenes, it wouldnt be good to be read by other ccas or the noms themselves, haha so i guess we shall all keep it as a good memory.

i have faith in the 26ths.

ytd was an awesome day wahahhaha.

alrighty. i dont know what to say so :/ jc life sucks. there are so many things happening that i cant even bring myself to take time to blog about it! ohwells. blame myself if i cant rmb anything ten years down the road :/

2009-03-11T22:50:00.003+08:00

-breathes-

time passes so fast. i had the impression that yesterday was sunday, and i was preparing for gp. and now i'm left with the last day!

i haven't been taking CT1 like a major exam so studying's been more of relaxed rather than tense like before promos. i wonder if i'm weird, but im actually starting to like studying. (but only at this pace)

won't be expecting much for results. especially for math(!!) and maybe one between chem or tsd (since i have to prioritise one over the other boohoo). bio hehhhh.... i have never passed bio exams (excluding tests) ever since i came to vj! to think that was my strongest science in secondary school ):

aye hope for the best. afterall, like everyone says, it's only ct1...

[looks at time, yelps and returns to work]

2009-02-28T21:00:00.006+08:00

Victorian Vaults: the Test of Time

it's been three weeks since orientation ended. it seemed like two months ago or something. everytime i think about it, i feel this strange emptiness within. it was almost like withdrawal symptoms from drugs. a few months of preparation was gone in a flash; the adhoc was meeting on an almost daily basis for two months and suddenly, we didnt have to meet up anymore.

the process of planning was a really enjoyable one. i cant thank god enough for giving me this wonderful adhoc (maybe not totally, but it's the flaws that make us treasure the other good things). i'll never forget our bitching sessions over people like WMD (weapon of mass destruction) and many-more-i-dont-think-i-should-mention, random things like the bright yellow schoolbus, our ban mian and popeye's ventures, the guys' dirty jokes, our camwhore session(one only), and the video which featured victoria's leg.

the four main days of orientation flew past in a blur. we started out excited and psyched, seeing our freshmen and OGLs clad in the shirts we designed, watching them move around the school. problems surfaced but i guess we took things into our stride and moved on. day one ended late, the victorians went home tired but happy. as the days went by, the activites grew more packed and more problems arose. there was tension within the adhoc as members broke down due to stress or disagreements. i was very afraid our adhoc would fall in the most crucial period, after we'd come so far. but we didnt; what happened made us stronger and closer, and made us realise the importance of each and every person in the adhoc.

i cried. cried hard on thursday while the ending skits were going on. i couldnt take the fact that all these were going to end. it was a very beautiful dream that i could not bear to wake up from. planning for orientation and watching orientation being carried out must have been the happiest and most wonderful times in my term as a councillor. i want to put my feelings into words but i simply cannot describe. like jerald said a few times about how he would think about orientation adhoc while going home after an adhoc dinner or meeting, and feel very xing fu (yeah, coming true from jerald). i had the exact sentiments, and im sure the rest of the adhoc did too.

when mass dance at suntec ended, and we found a place to stone up in suntec city, we just sat around and let the message sink in. while we all sighed in relief that everything is over, at the back of my mind i was dwelling in the atmosphere of the adhoc's presence and playing back memories of the process. as reluctant as i was for orientation to end, i guess i had to let go.

hearing people chat about orientation, feeling sad that it's over, and those random cheering and mentioning of orientation-related stuff around school are the best birthday presents i've gotten this year.

i really want to thank the adhoc for being the best team of people in the world, i really appreciate all of you for all that you have done (or didnt do[not meant to be sarcastic]) and making orientation so wonderful. i'll never forget all of you:

jerald (the best and nicest and secretly dirtyminded ic)

kenrick (the seemingly evil but actually very nice and 'terrible in admin' banmian lover)

lennart (the venomous and bitchy bi with a fatal stern face)

victoria (the easily amused cluedo hero with contagious laughter)

stacy (the zai treasurer with the best and most creative sarcastic comments)

kevin (the happy and innocent little boy who's starting to take after lennart)

menglu (the extremely underweight [to my envy] one who always gives a smile)

nadia (the talented artist who says 'chute' and is super encouraging)

subra (the one who stays optimistic and enthusiastic no matter what happens)

and thanks to all councillors and everyone else who helped make orientation such a success.

i love and miss orientation2009!

we really look like one happy family.

2009-02-11T12:43:00.002+08:00

THIS IS A POST DEDICATED SPECIALLY FOR GERALDINE QUEK!

oh man i'm so sorry cos i recorded on a separate sheet the people who wished me, and there was a 'before 12' and 'after 12' list! then cos most of the ppl who wished before 12 wished after as well so i didnt put that in my blog T_T so indeed i missed you out! im so so sorry!

but other than the big sorry i have to say a bigger thankyou, for wishing me so many times the day before, announcing my bday to almost everyone you see with me, for planning the dinner and worrying so much about it, for making me the super nice card and putting up with my sian face while trying to be high all the same! i feel so apologetic but deep down i know all the efforts you put in for trying to make me happy for my bday. thanks so much and sorry! :( i love youuu!!

2009-02-09T22:58:00.002+08:00

saturday was a really great day spent with maine and peiyi (boooo liyi couldnt come) after waking up at 2pm :D the two embarrassed me by forcing me to take photo with the green towel they designed in the middle of orchard mrt station. zomg! had haagen daz and suki sushi and man indulgence is bad! camwhored alot but i no facebook so cannot kope :(

sunday is (:

thanks to all for wishing me, (in chronological order) weien junfeng collin kelvin laypeng wanswen yvette jerald arianto sam sandy tenghui may lennart kenrick diana mingee jonathan yixiang harkhui victoria szeying fongsun peiyi elizabeth yeowboon naomi benjamin wensiu cherylmoh kevin amanda nadia zhengjun jiayun katharine kiahong junyuan eva rouhui vanessa anges liyi alicea cheryl xuemin zhanyi ryan weiling (1111) charmaine yanbing leonard xuezhen, classmates and other councillors as well as tsd people that sang song and ate cake with me :)

hope i didnt miss out anyone!!

and of course those who gave me stuff i love love all of them ((:

im eighteen now, im so old T_T but i shall embrace the new freedom that i'm legal for, and hopefully i will nv da shi ba bian eventually!

thanks to all that contributed to a smile on my face on 08022009 :)
especially you.

2009-02-07T21:55:00.002+08:00

Orientation is over. I have not totally accepted the fact yet. i guess i'll come back another day when the message has totally sunk in, to reflect and thank all that has made this event possible.

PED. Post event depression. or rather POD for post orientation depression.

i dont even feel that im turning eighteen. all that is in my mind now are images of orientation. but i guess i should treasure the last two hours of being seventeen. i'm so old :(

2009-01-23T23:38:00.002+08:00

mass dance during an event was the best so far today! there were even more people dancing today than during open house. zomg. must be because of the orientation spirit :D (though i am not pleased i'm gonna turn a shade darker again)

orientation meeting with miss lim was fruitful, motivational.

"are we gonna do our best?"
"YES!"
"is anyone going to complain that orientation was lousy?"
"NOOOOO!!!"
"is this going to be the best orientation?"
"YESSS!"
1, 2, 3-
"ORIENTATION ADHOC 2009!!!!"
-goes crazy screaming in the garden beside the concourse-

jerald was saying that the group hug was a very 'Amen' moment. ah, that made me kinda miss sn :(

had swensens, then back to sch for meeting till 9++. and tmr meeting continues at 9! ah, orientation mood omood omood!

i'm going crazy. O:

duo's are over. ultra zomg!! good luck to the rest of the duos yeah!!! jiayou!

2009-01-19T23:16:00.002+08:00

i have noticed the jump at my hugs counter.
and i have read the posts in my gbk.

thanks for actually remembering my lunar bday, that was so sweet of you. dont see i act very nonchalant, i was very surprised and sincerely touched! ((: xiexieni, imy and ily many many too! -hugs-

thanks for all the encouragement i've received from the people around me, especially from council, whether it's the congratulations for passing chem R, or jiayou-ing for orientation, or all the bests for tsd prelims, i appreciate all of them and i am motivated to do well!

and thanks wanswen for listening to me rant when i was feeling a little lousy. i feel so much better now (: you can count on me for a listening ear too :) love!

2009-01-11T18:53:00.003+08:00

in 12 hours i'll be walking into school. i cant describe the feeling, it's not ecstacy but it's not fear too. it's a kind of nonchalance which i hope is not because i'm losing the passion for school. maybe it's just that i've already frequented sch for the past months. taking the r papers in sch uniform plays a part too.

here's good luck to all the sec4-and-j1-to-be people! all the best for ur O level results! i hope to see many many of you in vj :D (and enjoy our wonderful orientation2009)

teehee, i actually have no idea why im here when im supposed to go crazy over my cc. i think i just needed a random outlet to release steam before i start. maybe elsewhere.

i wish i could stop all these negative things running through my head, but i just can't control them. i dont know why this seemed to disturb me much more than i used to, when it's not supposed to be the case.

bless me.

2009-01-10T13:11:00.002+08:00

ah, beautiful saturday afternoon. after the revolting arghpapers are over, everything seems a thousand times more wonderful.

although im still sulking over not being able to go back to sn to visit huahui even though i resoluted to do so last week! i had 3 chances and i wasted all of them :( thanks so much man... (to the people whom ought to be guilty! hahahha) so that sets my record for being the unloving and ungrateful senior who's never visited huahui ever since i graduated -_-

as i was saying, the r papers are over. and omg. i have no comments. i always have no comments about my academic results. look at promos. i was saying if i were lucky i'll pass chem and if i were lucky i wont get U for bio. well in the end they compromised and i got S for both -_- and my bio was better than chem! jiak sai. my sec 4 results too reflect my inability to predict how well/badly i did for tests and exams.

sigh, i just hope i dont get into anymore trouble.

missed purity class chalet to celebrate someparticularone's birthday, and my reward was to see thatparticularone sulking from across the table during dinner! boohoo. to think i sacrificed so many crucial studying hours over it sniff... okay okay im joking lah. due to the lousy me it was kinda a lousy day :(

new year resolution #1:
I shall not be indecisive!

it's quite late to start thinking about new year resolutions huh. but it's okay! cos school hasnt reopened and i think that's when the year starts properly huh.... i'm sort of only left with two days of holiday, without peace; i need to start writing my critcom due monday -groans-

new year resolution #2:
I shall not be lazy and procrastinate (too much).

ohwell. i make this resolution every year and never achieve it.

not to forget i have my homework and all!!! mr young's so gonna kill me. and oh, i hope the new chem tutor.... hmm i shan't announce how i want him/her to be different from ms chia.. the people who knows will get my drift anyway!

new year resolution #3:
New blogskin. To be viewable by both firefox and internet explorer!

alright just 3 resolutions for now. when i find more shall update. i should start on number 3! (and conveniently ignore number 2)

2008-12-31T23:29:00.005+08:00

BYE 2008, AND HELLO 2009!

when school reopens (actually even before school reopens) i'll start to chiong hard for j2 life. orientation, teeeee-asssss-deeeee and everything else! we're all goners man. it's time we truly test our perseverence and all.

2008 felt like the shortest year i'd ever spent (the irony is that it's the leap year). everything passed by so fast it was hard trying to stop down and take in what we have before everything is over. i actually went to read my archives for this year and i kinda wish i could live the moments all over again.

council
no doubt the group of people that i can relate most to is councillors. we've been through so many things, O2, elects' camp, match support (ohman), national day, open house, intracouncil day, and of course, SDD. it doesnt seem alot on paper but looking back at these things, it feels as if we've come so far. we've literally been through thick and thin, laughing and crying together. knowing that you people are here i have no worries about having no one to approach when i need someone to rant or just fall back on. we've only got four more months to go now. i'll make sure i appreciate each second i spend with all of you before time flies by leaving me to capture moments i dont remember. i love all of you like no other!

tsd
the second group of people i hang out with the most in the year! i guess spending that large amount of time in their company was inevitable, but i wont stop hanging out with them even when i have the choice! i love how we went crazy during slots, during meals, during breaks, during A's, and how we never get bored of each other's company. i cant explain why i feel drawn towards tsd whenever i feel down, i guess it's due to the compassionate people; there's this warmth in 24 that makes me want to spend all my breaks inside there. i could always feel better either being cheered up by lively people, or after confiding in them. whenever i start to hate the subject for its many flaws, i look at the relationships i have with all of you and believe taking it up is worthwhile. thanks for making me see that everytime i get upset over marks and stuff. it's a blessing to know you all. "it's the time to disco!"

08s34
im apologetic regarding how detached i am from the class during term time! but outings with yall have always been great! haha i love how we sit all the way at the back of lt1 during math, sleeping during mr young's lessons, all the bday celebrations, our s34 cheer, those random gatherings at benjamin's house, junfeng's house, chalet, kbox, lunches, PW!!! we have lost our enthusiasm after PAE as a class but i guess it's all just deep within us. i do not regret being put in s34! next yr i shall not be led astray by junfeng, i shall attend all lectures with yall okay! :D

just wanna specially thank certain people for making my year fabulous. you people are certainly the ones i wont ever regret knowing: geraldine (your name is first! still dare say i dont love you) wanswen collin zhengjun lennart meiqin sandy eva sweejin jonathan yeowboon junfeng naomi tenghui gregory tingkai! you are the people whom i have poured my heart/soul to in one way or another. and of course old friends xuezhen esti amanda peiyi liyi charmaine leonard! keep in touch okay!

hmm just a shoutout to ppl who dont fall into the 3 categories above!
gregory: i have no idea how i actually managed to know you and talk so much crap (nah you know im joking) when we have absolutely no link with each other. but just like you said, im glad i found a friend in you too, even though i cant stand how you flirt with girls so shamelessly! thanks for trusting me with your stuff and well as being there when i needed you. i think you're like among the top 5 ppl who know most of my secrets during those times when we still talked quite often! be honoured okay... haha. here's hoping you will be happier in 2009, you're always happy when i see you in school, but i think there's more to it? alright i dedicate so long to you you'd better appreciate it!

tingkai: wonder if you'll ever see this! but anyway, thanks for being concerned about my matters, and being there to teach me ren sheng dao li. you and tenghui all sama sama de! i learnt alot of lifeskills from both of you can! but anyway, i will always be here when you need to talk, i will keep my promise too. all the best in everything you do, keep ur chin up and im sure everything will go well for you!

xuezhen: aiyo smelly girl. madman has nothing much to tell you. meet up more often okay!! i know it's my fault we so long then meet up (tardy replies and busy times etc). will make up for it! let's study together for A's, we shall have kentucky sessions -winks-

esti amanda: the people that help cure my nolstalgia for sn! im so glad for your presence in tsd. i cant put what i want to say in words here, and yall wont read this anyway so i shall just leave it like that and tell yall in ur face! ;D

peiyi liyi charmaine: zui hao de peng you men! ahaha. we must meet up more often laaaa! i dont see enough of you all! but im glad how things among us never changes: how maine and i would always fight over money because we always attempt to pay more than the other, while liyi and peiyi would attempt to snatch the money for themselves instead; how maine always causes us not being able to continue the conversation cos she's too lame; how liyi always attempt to sleep on my shoulder and i dont allow; how peiyi hasnt treated us to swensens for being top scorer among us (9a1s) and always try to change the topic when we bring it up etc. i love the three of you like nuts (actually i dont like nuts) so please lets have a meet up real soon! 2009 must spam gatherings okay!

leonard: woohoo hello dearest online-friend-whom-i-refuse-to-meet-up-with-cos-we're-too-darn-special! it's the 5th year now! amazing yeah! hahahha alright i guess not meeting up is stupid. we shall just plan an outing someday! no ice skating horh hahah! and you know what you will get if you forget my bday this year or if you ever ask me when it is again!

ahh sigh. there are so many things i wanna tell many individuals but i will die typing them all out. so there goes! i really enjoyed my j1 life and i wont deny i have lived it to the fullest! other than the academic part of course... but really, thanks so much to everyone who contributed to my life this year, whoever you are, even if you are just someone who didnt know me but voted me into council, hahah! to the universe, i love you :D

i remember the post i wrote at wretch to welcome 2008 last year (2 years ago, to be exact :D). i dont think i fulfilled everything i set out to do, but i have no regrets, i guess. i just have to work doubly hard this year to make up for the things i've neglected. here's cheering myself on for the challenges awaiting in 2009! i will try my best in everything i do and for A's, achieve the miracle like i did during O's!

to everyone i care about, jiayou in all future endeavours! dont give up!

happy new year.

2008-12-18T01:29:00.002+08:00

it's 1:29, and i cant sleep.

im sorta surprised that people do still come even when this blog is dead for almost a month. wow. pardon me, it's the inborn sloth in me that prevents me from blogging, among other reasons such as crazy schedules and having to switch from my council gmail account to this one.

it's 1:39, and im yawning.

there are so many things to talk about, like sdd, council chalet, class chalet, orientation, etc etc etc that i cant really begin. besides, it would be outdated to talk about them now. i guess i could mention that OGL training was terrific! my body didnt fail me in the end, even though it kinda threatened me every now and then. here's wishing all the ogls all the best and keep up the spirit till orientation!

oh and there was FOH for snow white at the drama centre, pretty cool! did with geri and knew people like shaf, natalie, grace, xinyi, cher han etc etc... and not to forget isaac! hahahha! it was interesting... really good way of earning cip points while being partly involved in smth you enjoy. we earned free tickets to snow white as well! it's amazing :)

have been having late nights out for the past week plus, reaching home past 11 or 12. i wonder whether that's changed my body clock cos i've been going to bed later and later.

i seriously need to get on with my work. the dreaded Rpapers are getting nearer and im kinda horrified by my progress. where was the motivation i had when i studied for my O's? come back come back! maybe i should bring out my mahjong table again (yes if anyone remembers it was my studying venue) and draw another motivational picture so that i get A for bio and chem! okay that's not very possible but no harm aiming high! :)

it's 1:49, and it's an amazing coincidence im not joking.

i think im going to bed. tata to you! :)

2008-11-28T14:43:00.001+08:00

A Thousand Days - Clay Aiken

Through my eyes
I have seen the world start spinning like a ball
Stars light up and then fall for you
So then what's a man like me supposed to do
If I gave you the moon would you notice
That I'm right beside you

Well now a thousand days and thousand nights are not enough
Cause I can't hold back the way I feel about my love
Won't let it go, won't let it go

And if the angels came, I'd fight them back to win your soul
And when everything was said and done
They'd go back home
And they oughta know, they oughta know
That you're mine all mine

In my world
You're the sun that shines and lights up the evening skies
Clearing up the horizon, hold on
Come with me and I will never let you down
Oh, and in this love we'll drown, this I promise you
Cause they can't hold us down

Well now a thousand days and thousand nights are not enough
Cause I can't hold back the way I feel about my love
Won't let it go, won't let it go

And if the angels came, I'd fight them back to win your soul
And when everything was said and done they'd go back home
And they oughta know, they oughta know
That you're mine all mine

I would do anything, just believe it
Your love means everything, and I need it
Your heart won't lie
Reach out for me

2008-11-19T23:48:00.002+08:00

post 1000.

the day's special and memorable in a way i cant explain. just a simple movie, stoning and sleeping at coffeebean(irony) and travelling back and forth on the mrt line. we've gone around singapore today. and the long chat at the mosquito breeding ground, highly torturous for the highly demanded A blood type. but even the lousiest activities can be amazing, with the right company.

it's funny how i experienced all sorts of emotions throughout the day.

i had a great time today, i hope you did too. enjoy yourself the next few days, even if you may not see this in time.

something i learnt today: jupiter loves gay(homosexual)berries.

(- infinity , 3)

2008-11-16T23:45:00.002+08:00

yay, geri and i get a free ticket to snow white for doing FOH! coolios. freeshow (:

spent 70bucks today. grr! heartpain. my mum's gonna refund me 35bucks i hope she keeps to her promise!

flute finally wasnt so terrible. well of course! i practised practically the whole of ytd :D if i screwed up today i would slit my throat right on the spot! ayee tweety was my piano accompaniment last year. who should i ask next yr? :/ i really really hope i do well cos i think my parents wont support me after grade 5 (since my brother pulled out sponsoring me). must get a good grade and cont to learn in the future!

my nephews came to my house today, with my bro and dasao of course. omg they were damn cute! the elder one cried when being carried into the house cos he was afraid and didnt want to come in. but when leaving he cried again and threw a tantrum cos he didnt want to leave! awwww :( the smaller one was just crawling around and staring at everyone with his big eyes. awwww!!!! awwww. :)

went to the food fair at expo. didnt get to each much cos 1) the place was damn bloody crowded, no place to settle down to eat 2) not much good food actually and 3) lazy to queue! ah boring :( maybe it's cos of the company. rahh! saw a few victorians but dont know who they were. so happy to see VJ shirts :D

aye today's post seem very scattered. lazy to organize. end of crap!

2008-11-15T22:22:00.007+08:00

here comes another picture post! to upload past camwhore photos which i didnt put into the com until now cos my usb conked up.

saw this at spotlight! haha. alright. it isn't a very nice introductory picture :/

PW GROUP! haha. what a happy picture taken with our title :D

the thinker and the extra :D

i dont know how to explain this picture. only our pw group will understand! ;D

see yixiang shit ryan!!

Council lunch at parkway on thurs.

teehee mirror shots!

i swear all girls secretly love toilets!

stacy szeying hannah me geri all specsless

RECO IS LOVE.

HOW CAN I NOT TALK ABOUT THE ZOO?

otters! they are so so adorable! it looks as if they are observing humans instead of us looking at them.

count the kangaroos :D

smth i learnt today: how to differentiate cheetahs, leopards and jaguars!

the one above was a cheetah and this one is a leopard. didnt take a jaguar cos it was walking so fast :( i love cats!!

rouhui is like vanilla and im black coffee :(

made shifu take a normal photo after he took a gazillion candid and unglam shots of me!

star of the day: mr toh! he's the best seriously (:

HE ALWAYS DOES THIS TO ME!!! :(((

i realised he didnt make his eyes small on purpose :D

even benza learn from shifu. gahhh!

it rained right after we were dismissed so we didnt get to walk anywhere else. were one of the last ones to leave! note the umbrella colours hahah!

tenghui and i carried the same NTU umbrellas but i had blue and his was red. junfeng was saying we look like characters from 向左走向右走, damn hilarious! he was complaining that him and benjamin are like the calafares in the show -_-

big coincidence to umbrella incident: i have red elmo and he had blue cookie monster! this pic was taken before we realised the umbrella thing. master and tudi power!! haha.

we went to junfeng's house to play after that. we were watching jaychou's concert dvd while playing mahjong at the same time :D then we switched to monopoly!

i really really suck at monopoly :(

the two big winners of the day!

the unattentive player had more than a thousand dollars (i think!) stolen from him and he didnt even know!

we jammed afterwards with the weirdest combi of instruments: keyboard, guitar, violin, di zi and recorder! i cant play the dizi :( and shifu you are the one with music talent okay can play so many things hurr.

anyway bus-ed home and grah, met some problems but nevermind, i had a great day still (:

two more entries.

2008-11-13T21:03:00.002+08:00

the keyboard seems to be my source of solace these few days. everytime i reach danger zone i just fly to the keyboard and instantly feel better. even though the songs i play are the same ones over and over again. but ohwells. doing repeated things is actually a kind of therapy.

it's a pure coincidence that i have to go sch at 8 everyday of this week. omg.

bumped into newfriend this morning while we were going to school. it's her last paper! ahhaha hope it went well!! and you are officially free now (: long time no see/talk!! :( but was nice bumping into you today. i miss you nf :(

ogl briefing was interesting. ahaha. im quite excited about orientation now! VVTTOT! hope everyone actually understood what i was talking about hahaha i was kind of on a roll while doing the storytelling -_- geri was saying she expected me to do the feet stamping trademark, i says, NO! I HAVE GOTTEN OUT OF THAT HABIT ALRIGHT! hahaha. ivanhoe and thor are the highest so far, ahhh i cant wait (:

the movie that was screened during GM was disturbing. omg. but i am so touched by schindler. he's so noble... i cried but i guess everyone else did too lah heh. heard lots of sniffs! the massacre was gruesome and the nudity was redundant, but i guess they contributed to the overall impact. sigh. war sucks.

was checking out sn homecoming details and omg i almost puked!! they are holding a talk on cervical cancer prevention!!!! whats with all the cervical cancer things popping up suddenly?! zomg vomit blood please. i think if i go for the talk, i can go pick out the loopholes the speaker has. lol all thanks to pw. i think i'll be the most knowledgeable person in the audience if i go for the talk!

going to the zoo tomorrow with bio fac! :D ah, so cute, the image. going to the zoo as a school with ur classmates, at the age of seventeen! hurr shifu had better bring the sunblock. if he forgot like last time and end up being fairer than me, i swear i'll bbq him till he's blacker again.

i need to get a grip on myself.

2008-11-12T22:08:00.002+08:00

post 996.

today's one of the weirdest days i've ever been through. im beginning to start hating taking bus in the early early morning :(

tsd was alright, showing was weird cos there were only ten odd people that were present. chionged and quickly grabbed geri off for photoshoot, but in the end it only started at around 1. grah!

had fun with reco jumping and jumping for the jump shot :D we kept failing or doing the same pose. people in the canteen had full view of us jumping like mad idiots for the camera! we took quite a number of shots, in which there were a few funny ones aha cant really put them in words, you must be there to witness :D and omg... the scandalous one. i've better not say or i'll be murdered :/ jiak sai!

our gloves came in very handy as well, our hands became props for some photos :D have to wait till next year to see, haha. i love reco :D

it's a rainy day.

2008-11-11T23:34:00.002+08:00

omg. this week's activities can totally compete with a normal sch day in perhaps... april? where there are practically match support everyday otherwise slotting till late night. and it's the holidays already. -beady eyed-

even just plain eating and chatting can tire you out. i guess it's the travelling.

i saw ten ones, 11/11 11:11:11 pm. ahahha. i waited for it of course. it can only be seen once in a year! okay now i can go happily to sleep.

2008-11-08T17:40:00.002+08:00

my mum knows exactly the best ways to make me irritated.

first she gave me multiple warnings not to enter campus superstar (which i had no intention of joining, but the interest increases with every warning). she nagged day and night, regardless of my explanations, bringing in my lousy results and already bursting schedule. all these eventually led to how she is so disappointed in me this year, how i have not met the expectations, how i have slacked and get involved in 'extra' things that wont even benefit me (she's talking about council and tsd), and how i should mind my own business. having listened to this sort of things for the past five years, i have learnt how to shut my ears and close my mind (like occlumency, hah) therefore could ignore her.

but 忍耐是有限度的!

she even said i was ugly. what kind of mother reminds her daughter about facts like this?!?!?!?! thanks ah!! i feel so absolutely confident and my self esteem is so skyrocketing man.

today, which she knows is the fateful audition day, she had to switch on the karaoke system and (tried to) make me sing to nobody at home. WHAT'S YOUR FREAKING MOTIVATION!!??!? this doesnt make up for anything okay!!!

grah!!!!! im in 100% pissed off mood!

2008-11-05T23:20:00.002+08:00

a terrible headache rendered me useless the whole day. so i just lazed around at home doing nothing and everything to save myself from the deep valleys of boredom.

lets see what i did.
1. learnt numb (again) on my keyboard, with reference to both the score kang an gave and youtube piano tutorials.
2. tried to learn 'if' further but failed.
3. played mindless games on the net, like the impossible quiz, and some pictionary game (that is actually quite exciting!)
4. chatted abit.
5. watched slamdunk! omg that show is ancient. watched 8 episodes at one go. that is about 3 plus hours.
6. stole bro's psp and played for another three hours. METAL SLUG RULES!! I LOVE IT HOW I WILL NEVER GAME OVER HAHAH. bomberman is boring :(

the headache did subside abit, otherwise where do i get all the energy from? (:

tomorrow is the last day to chiong op! argh. then HSM3 with some council ppl. ahhhh ((:

2008-11-03T21:06:00.002+08:00

im 8 posts away from the one thousandth post!!!

omg today is a siao day.

i fell down at the bus stop! am amazed how a small graze can hurt till like that. haha but after one day it will be fine i guess. there was a super nice auntie who kept expressing her concern and fussing over me. ahhh so cute the auntie! thanks! (not like a certain someone who still gleefully scooted over to gloat about how unglam i was! grrr)

op was surprisingly okay. was very scared after junfeng's group came back, cos they all returned with grim faces looking as if the teacher told them to go fly kite :// shared room with s38, with mr derrick wong. ah quite funny lah. pw wasnt that bad today (:

handing in slides tomorrow. hurr i have no idea how the I&R is done. exemplars dont really say that much. grahh :(

2008-11-02T11:28:00.003+08:00

i have been coming here dutifully every night but i always stop at the blank page and nothing goes on. then i would be so fed up (cos i cant put what i want to say in words) that i just close the window and forget about it.

many things are happening. i can hardly process them, whether or not they directly concern me or not. i need to get a grip on myself first before actually helping anyone else.

i feel lousy.

alright. i've spent more than an hour here not knowing what to write. tata.

2008-10-28T23:07:00.002+08:00

grah.

there are so many things that need done, but so many of them that cannot be completed right now. i feel stagnant and useless. someone enlighten me please.

i was just lying down in council room thinking about my life as of now. it feels as if im hovering somewhere but nowhere, not here not there, anywhere, everywhere. i've been doing stuff but many's kept on hold due to certain circumstances. doing things halfway sucks, it gets stuck in ur mind and you worry day and night and cant do anything about it.

im glad i solved some stuff that's been bugging my mind for the past week. i dont know how to face some people and i am trying to avoid them at all costs, otherwise arrange a face straight enough to not give myself away. i feel like a hypocrite, hurr. i need to live without a conscience to make myself happier.

aye. i shouldnt think so much. shall treasure the days i can sleep in without any worries :)

2008-10-27T14:12:00.003+08:00

i feel a sudden loss, to be at home at this hour! haha. having run back and forth among council, pw and tsd, i find it kinda hard to get used to being free on a weekday, even though it's a holiday.

tsd showing was surprisingly okay. even though i felt a little dubious about mr brassington's praises (he praises people when he has nothing to say). pw, omg! hmph i hope junfeng doesnt see this. hahahah! YA LAH. I LOST BADLY DURING LAST SPEAKERS' SHOWDOWN, CAN OR NOT! :(

geri was asking me, "how come you not doing pw!"
it says alot huh.

have been diligently learning 만약에, 'if' by taeyeon from snsd. I WANT THE SHEETMUSIC!!! omg. it's terrible to learn from youtube. and it isn't even a tutorial. only learnt 6 bars of eighths so far, and i cant really continue cos it started to become much more complicated! :( if someone can find me the score, i'll love you forever!

firefox and IE seem to be fighting over which one to show my blog properly :( funnily, i can open it with both! aye nvm. i guess what's impt is that i can read it myself huh! must be contented. msn's screwed lately, keep auto-shutting. must be my brother and his corrupted soccer site! hurr. i should but a hard disk to save all my pictures and songs away in case he wrecks it up and everything is gone! (this has happened before -weeps-)

tata. i should begin to study soon. bio and chem... ohwells. hope i am not kicked out of adhoc. hurr :( anyone wants to mug with me? :)

2008-10-25T22:51:00.002+08:00

ogl interviews are over, omg. i dont know whether to be happy or sad, cos it required lots of time and effort, but was effing fun as well! but it was really hard when it comes to deciding who goes in and who gets out, what a struggle between objectivity during interview and referring to personal knowledge of the person. all i can say is, the nature of the interview can change a person and make them behave strangely. grah.

orientation meeting at cartel today was one word: FUN(NY)!!! OMG. we laughed till.... no words to describe. esp the victoria feeling raped part. all the charcoal and black jokes.... haha hope no one other than orientation ppl can decipher what im talking about!

omg, i wonder how i play my flute tomorrow with the toothache. and have to wake up early for tuition hurr! i want to sleep in! -whines-

2008-10-22T21:49:00.002+08:00

highlight of the week is the OGL interviews! ohman yesterday was the first day of ogl interviews, it was damn fun! my room had zachary from house and martin from ct. quite fun when asking which leadership body you think is the best, cos all three are here :D shant disclose their answers later some ppl come and hoot me.

hmm. cant really say much.

my wisdom tooth is kajiaoing me again. omg. i feel taking a drill and drill a hole in my cheek and drill the tooth out! it always hurts at the most untimely periods :( grrr im ranting. this is such a pointless post.

i have so much to talk about but yet nothing can be put into words.

2008-10-18T23:03:00.007+08:00

ah, screw this blog. no one comes anymore (exaggeration) cos they cant open it with firefox! :( but nvm i guess. am just gonna post some crappy photos up anyway. havent been updating about the major things that happened, now it's too late :( so let pictures do the talking!

hanging out at cousin's place!

this is my beng cousin.

this is my 斯文 cousin!

this is 斯文 cousin acting beng.

forgot to take pictures with the notorious one that all my friends (from sec sch) should know! aye. wasted.

Farewell Assembly

what kind of face is this shifu?!

a better picture except that he act short and steal my hairband and have tiny eyes.

a very badly taken picture! with kiahong and benjamin.

OPEN HOUSE!!!

the night before, after putting up the balloon arch. it's without helium!

stacy collin yiyee me. IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD!!! NOT BAD HUH!!

mons esti and xuezhen!

ej :D

after mass dance on the roof! can you make out the words we tried to form? :))

there's actually a nice photo on photosoc's flickr,
http://www.flickr.com/photos/victoriajc/2915497428/in/set-72157607750551452/

Leaving our mark behind (:

let's show some s34tsd love!

remember the old times...

aye! baohui! ure in the wrong position!

if only it were still like that :(

now it's only left with nao and the disgustion junfeng :(

Look at the disgusting boy's tie!

tutoring.

my tution kid bryan! with the chicken little specs.

haha i am not paedophillic okay (:

Council General Meeting and theme GEEK.

they are the ultimate!!

am so proud of them. i swear this is their hidden potential. being geeks! :D

and finally, Kbox ytd!

junfeng benjamin kiahong may me

2008-10-07T23:47:00.002+08:00

i want the power to be able to keep awake and still feel energized and do my work. i just dozed off. bless me.

2008-10-03T23:39:00.002+08:00

i had the horriblest day ever today. well not totally emotionally, just unlucky as a whole. started the day lousily and everything went badly for the day :(

farewell assembly was almost the only time of the day where i actually enjoyed myself. the teachers were all damn on and high can! omg, the synchronized swimming and cheerleading part. makes me feel really proud to have such teachers :D sitting with shifu meant alot of entertainment during the show! was kinda apologetic to be part of the sources of noise coming from everywhere during random times cos we were pretty talkative :/took opportunity of the situation that he is darker than me to take a picture to prove im not that black after all! waha.

mass dance was alright, cos it was led by the 24ths while the 25th madics danced first row in front of the j2 ppl. cheers were great! but dancing in uniform = yuck :( my unlucky day worsens here rah.

bad gastric (or what?) caused me to be late for guolaoshi's forum theatre session! i swear i stoned when i stepped into the pt cos i saw guolaoshi onstage and questioned my eyes if im seeing the right thing. rahhhh. no comments about the intervention. i will not be too picky since the students are inexperienced :x didnt manage to catch guolaoshi outside; he left straight after the show and i only managed to find josephine :( but it's alright, it's better than nothing, it cures my crave for huahui and chi drama :)

after tsd meeting ran everywhere to do up open house stuff. i put up all the banners! allllll! except the one at the soccer loft. got onto the link bridge to put up the printed banner and got baked by the sun for a good 20 min, when it suddenly rained. we couldnt get down right away cos the banner was half done so we got trapped in the rain :( so it was sun, sweat, rain, everything and by the time i went to 24 to rest all i wanted to do was curl up and sleep. getting frozen in night didnt help.

not to mention, i wasted two dollars buying expensive chinese food for lunch and the food got attacked by birds and we had to throw everything away. i swear collin and i wanted to throw all the food at the birds. may they get food poisoning!

strung up balloons and put them around school. had fun blaming leon for all the weird, unexplained bursting of balloons all around the hall. sitting at the grandstand with zhengjun, victoria and kenrick at night was great. though almost everything was pitchblack, it was peaceful and calm at least.

cabbed home with lennart at 930 otherwise would sure die. i would wake up at 6am tomorrow morning on bus 43 at punggol interchange. or maybe the bus' already bringing me back to vj! haha. stupid thought.

time spent with council is tiring but even if i have alot of complaints about fatigue and stuff, i wouldn change my cca for the world (: i love council!

get prepared for two mass dance sessions tomorrow. killer. hope the response is good! GOOD LUCK OPEN HOUSE ADHOC! YOU ROCK! :D

2008-10-01T21:47:00.002+08:00

im in a picture-y posting mood today!

haha this pasta chaoren is pure randomness (:

presenting bday girl yesterday: yap pei yi!

our dear 9A1 scorer actually ate up part of the paper on the cake -_-

unglam charmaine no.1

maine was whining how we are allowed to take glam photos while her photos were all crap. peiyi and i couldnt stop laughing to arrange our faces properly for a photo!

hahaha yeah man :)

unglam charmaine no.2

haha okay shant torture you anymore charmaine. this one looks nice at least (: but no stuffing me with food! can see daniel in the background.

at gelare after pizza hut!

maine and i at mrt, after peiyi left with her hostel friends. omg charmaine you need sleep!!

anyways wished liyi was here! sure even more fun. haha. we can all bully her. but nvm! we had charmaine to bully too. ohman, whats the world becoming to :D ayeee we must meet up soon again! though no more swensens from 9A1 peiyi :(

2008-10-01T00:19:00.003+08:00

snores. im so sleepy but i cant go to sleep cos im so full from all the food i had for dinner.

anyway, hope you had a great belated bday treat today!! charmaine and i were guiltridden and didnt mind cutting a bottomless hole in our pockets just to make you happy.

today was fun, aha. surprising peiyi in the hostel canteen was a failure cos we didnt manage to predict the entrance she'll come in from. spoilt surprise!!! but thanks aravind all the same! for being part of our plan, helping us see when she's coming back and asking her to come down for us, lending us lighter etc etc!

bus-ed to town with peiyi and we happened to get on the same bus as her hostel mates, whom i only recognised aravind and wei an. omg charmaine and i almost died laughing. they are such funny people! ate at pizza hut and met mark, calvin han and daniel! think they had some VS class gathering... :/ saw menglu on the way back! aye was a lil distracted throughout the thing :/ rahh.

im glad some things never change. the fact that charmaine's words are always un-continuable cos they are too lame, the way charmaine and i always fight to pay the larger share, the fact that peiyi and liyi will definitely laugh at us fighting and snatch the extra money if they could, the way we talk about how fat we are, etc etc. they make me so nolstalgic :( these are the times that i really miss about sn. esp maine peiyi liyi and huahui! :( i feel like going back again.

i cant make it for the 4purity cycling outing tomorrow cos my relatives came out from msia to visit. ohman. it's a 2nd date lost. no kbox ytd, and no cycling tomorrow! how unlucky am i exactly?! i want to cry over my suayness.

not to mention today was damn funny; i was supposed to meet jerald for orientation stuff, but when i reached the bus stop it was pouring heavily. i msged him and he replied that he was also trapped at the bus stop, and he was directly opposite! clap clap.

ahhh my phone usb wouldn listen to me today so no photos :( :( :(

rahhhh boo :(

2008-09-26T23:16:00.003+08:00

ANYONE MISSED ME? :)

nah i bet no one did, but whoever who actually does come here to update themselves sure got quite sick of my brother's face! my stats counter hasnt jumped much since 25 days ago; rahh evidently it shows the theory of dead blog = much less visitors!

promos are over. i cant begin to say how screwed i am. i am serious when i say i will fail bio very badly till it's possible to get a U, and that i will get S for chem and math. as for gp, uh. goner. if they dont moderate, i'd fail as well. tsd no comments.

im prolly one of the few people who couldn smile when i ended my last paper :(

well. at least i can close my eyes and drift off to sleep peacefully now. a week's break would render some help in healing the psychological injuries hahaha! i have alot of photos to post about holidays spent, especially the trip to sn, the trip to chungcheng and other misc stuff! ah, but im too lazy to do those now :/

outing with council today after reco's peer evaluation! it was quite helpful, we talked about each other's strengths and weaknesses and haha i predicted all of mine. i promise to come back to council! i'm already slowly pulling myself back, as evident of my spamming in log book and dwelling in council room though no one was there to witness my presence ;(

but aye watched mamamia and man! we laughed till our cheeks ached. maybe it's because our promos were just over, so we were over excited and over enthusiastic about everything that was happening in the show. while the cinema giggled at certain scenes of the show, our row went 'WAHAHAHAHA!!!!!' even plaza sing didnt seem so sian suddenly; we went around all the funny shops and laughed at the silliest things. well most jokes revolved around lennart and his sexual fantasies hahah! oh wells. not like im not used to it :D

my mind's free and clear but my body's protesting. haha intensive chionging doesnt really work, as reflected by my blank mind during bio today. but ohwells. at least i only blanked out during the last paper. it's an achievement huh, considering i only got around six hours of sleep for the past 72 hours or so. i actually dozed abit while talking during 'dinner', heh.

okay i guess i shall update more often now. yay i can finally catch up on my shows! ming zhong zhu ding wo ai ni (a few more epis!), lan qiu huo and she diao ying xiong zhuan!! and if time allows, i want to rewatch some too (: but ohwells my break wont be so long cos i need to start mugging for my re paperS too. note the S!

aye pardon my once-again abrupt endings.
tata!

2008-09-01T21:44:00.002+08:00

to my dearest 27-year-old gor (i seriously still call him gor), hope you enjoyed the dinner yesterday. remember your promise to bring me out of school for lunch someday during ur lunch break okay! you look terribly tired, i havent seen you in a long time too, i miss you! please take care of yourself! time goes on; we continue to grow up and meet different challenges in life. please dont let them take you down. you still have da sao, xavier, xaven and me to brighten up your days! jiayou jiayou, know that i am always here wishing you well and hoping the best for you. i miss all those times we spent in the past when i was young, when you played with me, quarrelled with me, brought me downstairs to watch you play basketball, taught me to play the recorder etc etc. i miss you alot alot you wont be able to imagine and i love you!

2008-08-30T17:48:00.006+08:00

doesn't all these look a little too familiar?

four purity during geog lesson, without the scholars last year.

four of us!

maine.

morning of peiyi's bday..

our all time favourite mirror pictures..

liyi..

peiyi's photo was so deep in the files im lazy to dig... dont scold me! i give you a smile ((:

anyway going back to st nicks didnt feel like a visit, but rather going to school like a normal school day. even though the people we used to see are all wearing different uniforms, it didnt have any alienating effect at all. our attachment to the people of the level is so strong that it doesnt feel as if we didnt see our friends in near a year, but instead just a few days.

half bus-ed half cabbed back with jiayun and peiyi, and oh my it didnt feel like teachers' day but instead like a redbadge cohort gathering! it was like the whole cohort down there, hanging out in the canteen and family lounge. spend a hell load of time queueing up at orangebowl with the rest of the level!! it's worth it though (:

stoned, camwhored and chatted with people (wahaha amanda i know which N you talking about le!!) screaming everywhere. then went to amk hub for andersen's! i love love love the company man. we must come out more often when we have time!

liyiiiiiiii! we took a picture lah. but in my phone. but i dont care i am upset cos you never take with me in ur phone!

maine!!!!

DESTINED FRIEND!!!

mirror photos!

compare this with the photo taken last year. i swear the positions we are standing in are pure coincidence! maybe fate ((:

ANGES!!! I MISS YOU!!!

hail my self-taking skills.

four of us, still :)

ya la peiyi i feature you le!

PURITY!!!!!

i am so nolstalgic i want to cry, i miss so many things in st nicks i find it a little hard to move on. i just poured out my collection of memories (in the form of gifts, letters, photos) from my big box and looked through everything one by one. i miss huahui, the green, blue, grey, RED, yellow, dark blue and green badges alot alot alot. i miss 1 charity 2 charity and 34purity. i missed the birthdays i spent in st nicks. i miss alot of people, alot of events, but i shall try to stop living in the past and move on. hope i can be motivated by these mementos..

this photo is a little incongrous, but it does relate to the whole post up there. esti and amanda! you two are like the two sn girls that i talk to most now, i love both of you with a special, extra passion cos we all share the sn memories! you cure my nolstalgia for sn :)

2008-08-23T22:38:00.007+08:00

i havent been here for so long (in my context), i didnt even know the format of blogger changed. oh wells. when time does not permit blogging to be in my schedule, i shall just let pictures tell the story.

before mini-IS in costume room.

Hare-Pea, serena and i!

serena shows affection for pea.

pea shows affection for serena.

sam, serena and i, the stanislavski people! ((:

eva's mask for her bunraku.

amanda and i! i did her hair for her!

in bus 55 after the celebration. on my right two girls are snoring.

on my left two guys are also knocked out -_-

ST NICKS TRIP!

happy kids! ((:

me with my green and esti with her yellow

the only ppl left in school

esti, eva, me.

SLOTS.

look at the new dress sense man! tsd people are trendsetters!

eva and her typical face :D

sweejin, dongying, eva!

this pic is courtesy to dong ying!

nice pic!! i love sweejin ((:

ah well, that's almost about all.

went to sch at 8 today for leadership training, then painted open house banner. rahhhh was in a mildly rotten mood for some unspeakable reason but i felt ten thousand times better after going to subway with lennart! thanks lennart! for the company. subway rocked even though there wasnt student meal in the end cos it was the weekend :(

sundays are sad days.

2008-08-11T22:19:00.002+08:00

hello geri!!

haha if you ever see this, dont freak out where i got the pictures :D i went to facebook through 25th SC and koped it from ur albums heh! by the way, i swear ur marionette of the bird is the cutest thing ever :D

felt a sudden affection for RECO! after koping this pic too!

another one another one!

haha pardon the spastic photo. i just thought it looked happy. and i was happy ((: tying balloons on thurs evening! it was pouring outside but woohoo i had fun. all was red and white! i feel patriotic :))

alamaks. let's get back to reality.

SET DESIGN!! CRITICAL COMMENTARY!! CHEM TUTORIAL! CHEM REMEDIAL! MATH TUTORIAL! BIO REMEDIAL! GPPPPPPPPPP ESSAY AND COMPRE! NAPFA@%*(^#@(%^!!!

-stones-

2008-08-09T21:43:00.003+08:00

at times like this, i find comfort in looking at all the photos in my computer, taken before this year. it's been an hour since i opened the folder, but i'll never get tired of looking at the photos over and over again. up till now, st nicks years have been the greatest years i've had so far; no matter how sad some days seemed to be, i never regretted living those days. the warmth, the comfort, the bliss. i would be so content just to live one day of that kind of life again.

anyway, i studied with xuezhen today! ohwells. she did econs and i did my tsd work. rahhh haha i saw ur blogpost xuezhen! i didnt tell you alot of things i should have though. haha. cos i wasn't really inclined in talking about them today :s

ohoh xuezhen has a new eyecandy! guess who! i have a picture of him and i shall post it right here....

CHICKY!!!

i actually wonder what happened to xuezhen's taste. has she given up on humans?!?!

she looks abit cross. must be cos chicky didnt see her.

studying in kfc was so reminiscent. we looked around at people mugging sec4 work, must be for O's. looking back at what we used to do, it seemed so near yet so far. xuezhen was going high over seeing someone using the physics assessment book and her calculator model. rahhh. it all the more makes me feel like going back to secondary school.

I FREAKING MISS ST NICKS!!!!

AND HUAHUI!!!

AND EVERYONE ELSE! :(

ranting isnt that effective in making a person feel better at times. it just makes the desire to do something even stronger. in my case, it is to turn back time.

i want another study session too xuezhen :)

2008-08-07T23:36:00.002+08:00

it's so rare that you see my blog dead for more than a week! rahh. i am screwed, everyone says they are screwed, screw the world!

quite a lot of things have happened for the past week that i didnt update about. but currently, i cant recall a thing, not one. oh and newfriend, dont worry about me, im fine! (ah i still read my gbk just for your posts!)

national day tomorrow, so many of my friends are ponning i feel sad :( will be dancing on the rooftop tomorrow if everything goes well! go madics! lets make our first big official mass dance leading a greaaaaaaaaaat one! <3

reco outing tomorrow too! ahaha :D but i bet alot of ppl will be chionging their ISes at home :( aye both sides impt, how? aye shall see. maybe i'll do my IS at sentosa :D

2008-07-30T22:59:00.002+08:00

rahh. only went to school at ten plus eleven today, due to Massive Plus Multiple Nosebleeds that prevented me from stepping out of my house in the morning. win liao, now i got one 'late' record cos i didnt want to climb over the stupid gate... :(

and yesterday (or rather this morning) i failed to wake up at two am :( in fact, i didnt hear the alarm clock at all. i must have been sleeping like a log. phuck. so i didnt do any work at all! but thank god for study sessions in school. at least i could force myself to do work (though not very productive! but still! i get work done :D).

OMG. was just seeing 1111 on my phone, feeling happy then suddenly received a msg from junfeng saying 'omg it is 1111'! lols damn funny. we are all happy people now :D let's hope we stay happy then :(

abrupt stop.

2008-07-28T22:45:00.003+08:00

sudden urge to camwhore before tsd lecture started. i really love the company of sandy and esti ((: they make really great friends!! we hu xiang zhao gu okay!

sandy :))

esti sandy me

meihui! :))

'ou yeah!'

if only we were in the same class! i think i would love class a thousand times more. thanks for always listening to me when i want to whine or anything, tolerating me and caring for me :) i love you guys and am always here for you all too!

2008-07-28T00:48:00.002+08:00

stj was great, and the movie too. omg. the dark knight! i cant even begin to describe my thoughts about the movie. just awesome!!! yeowboon's crew is just :)) coolios!!! i hope i can get hold of the photo (which is blur :( ) soon! ayee too bad polaroid cannot photocopy one :(

i wonder if it's just my mood or i really just want to stop here.

be happy. i give you all my blessings :)

2008-07-25T18:47:00.006+08:00

i feel kinda stagnant. and dead. woohoos it's half day today and im home early. ohwells, it's not a bad thing actually, considering i havent been through a perfect week. it's time i chill at home.

what i can remember about happy things that happened the past few days, i guess are the vball/monkey session with a few councillors (wanswen, leon, hannah, lennart, stacy, aravind) as well as underwired! dinner at roxy square!

vball/monkey session was pretty fun. i havent had a habit of playing random ball games after school until i came to vj (read: bball with jf and ppl etc). oh hmm. i dunno what to write about it though, it would seem so boring to read. aye nvm it shall stay in my heart then (random drama).

wanswen kajiaoing my reco bear!

oh man. reco bear looks grumpy :( i should take more care of it!

just remembered that everyone said the bear looked like me when aravind passed it down to me. well other than the fact that it is brown, i dont see a resemblance T_T unless you all say i cute lah~ .... zomg hahah :D

underwired! seniors treated us to steamboat! we didnt even know they were treating us until they told us at the steamboat place in the basement of roxy square. 9 girls around a table, hmm! even though it isnt anything new to me, it still feels a little weird (but exciting!). we heard alot of stories about things that happened last year (woohoo secrets!); it was like a story telling session by trina and laura, while the other three seniors added in details. then the four of us sat with one arm on the table, listen laugh listen laugh. aye our seniors are so cute! i dont even remember the unhappiness last time already.

underwired! rocks!!

aye got some photos from eva this morning while we had S34 A15 breakfast (with sandy too aha)! they were taken during one friday where the friday workshop ppl were supposed to clean up. but heh. oh wells :) esti was a tuesdayworkshop crasher :D

esti and sam the oddishes, sweejin eva dongying and i :)

with yvette the china scholar nerd wannabe! omg

ah crap. looked at the wrong camera :(

the three of them are ultimate imba man! :D

i need to get on with my life, buck up and move on.

ohwells. how many times have i told myself that anyway.

2008-07-22T21:15:00.003+08:00

although i am already in sleep mode, i must force myself to come here before i forget what i wanted to talk about!

sunday was semi productive day! at least i completed the bulk of my bio paper... was at yamaha doing work then sandy came, then esti came, followed by esti's brother then yeowboon. what a chain reaction! stoned quite long in yamaha before we got chased out by the same person who chased me and andy out when we were having a meeting -_-

had lunch, shopped around and left for victoria theatre! i love the atmosphere around singapore river! it brings back quite a few memories too (: aye, then went to esplanade again! had a half-productive study/do homework session with da hong, and omg the pen incident! he spend an hour (or shorter) looking for his pen that suddenly disappeared, then found it after a very long time, trapped in the folds of his jeans -_- clap clap.

then went back to sg river to meet sandy and esti again! sat on the steps by the river and stoned. coolios :)) it was so peaceful i could sleep. but good times always end fast, we had to leave just 15 min later :(

yesterday was even better. amanda, arianto, junfeng and i ran out of school in the rain (timing cannot be divulged hahaha) and went to east coast to cycle. it was purely spontaneous but omg! "i think we very cool leh." quoted from amanda. i agree mannns! hahahha i'll never regret my life in vj no matter how sucky things go, because there are always days like this for me to reminisce and exclaim that my seventeenth year on earth was ultra exciting :)

anyway we cycled throughout the rain, to the jetty first. it was so pretty and cool (and cold), cycling really slowly in circles right at the edge of the jetty. watched the sea abit... watched the ppl in ponchos fishing... watched a puffer fish deflate... ahhhh i want to go there again! cycled right till the end and the other three of them went into the water! i didnt cos of some reasons lol -_- cycled all the way back and had hot milo and lunch at the foodcentre! i dunno why this personal recount sounds so uninteresting but im very high typing it all out! haha it was like the best two hours out of the whole week i think! i definitely want to do it again (: amanda was saying next yr in our cubbyholes we must put an extra set of clothes, towel, shampoo and goggles! apparently goggles are for keeping the rain out of our eyes while we cycle :D

today was somewhat horrible. quite a few little things added up together make things worse than they seem :( rahh i must buck up i must buck up!! will try to wake up at 4 tomorrow. I WILL SUCCEEEEEED!!!! wait for my news tomorrow night.

i will succeed okay.

2008-07-19T22:02:00.002+08:00

i could die, i could.

to school for intracouncil day meeting today. coolios things are looking bright. then everyone left leaving me in the council room. was about to start doing my mid year papers but since no one was there i took the time to practise flute (with doors and windows closed so no one can see who was playing so lousily). naturally time passed and when i finally resoluted to start doing my work, junfeng informed me that he'd already reached esplanade.

so i was pressurized to go to esplanade early. junfeng met yvette but she left before i reached :/ subsequently we met zhanyi, geraldine and naomi! we are the last minute gang man. but it's cool that we see so many people without even planning.

sandy smsed to say that she's at bugis watching lin you jia (i bet xuezhen will scream) so we called her over. shopped around marina square and then went for dinner at shokudo before junfeng died of hunger. apparently he got revived just after one mouth of food. after dinner we somehow got back to the esplanade library to catch a glimpse of the NE show and after watching for about 2 min the fireworks came on!! it's so amazing to catch them when you're just standing around randomly not expecting anything wonderful. it feels better than seeing 11:11 :)

then reluctantly went home to face reality again (one of homework and essays). i wonder if it was my heavy bag; i had to literally drag myself home aching everywhere, even weird muscles. a ten plus min walk doubled :/ hope sandy didnt catch the flu bug from me or da hong's gonna come after me - oops! naomi already kena :/ sorry.

there's pw tomorrow.... what a drag.

2008-07-18T22:23:00.002+08:00

a high level of tolerance is about the only thing i have left that i am proud of. but im afraid i may just lose it soon. along with everything else.

today, i bid my goodbye.

2008-07-17T22:39:00.003+08:00

track and field championships are second to none to go support for. no other competitions cause you to scream like no other when the person you are supporting runs past you! i went crazy like a hyena screaming for st nicks (and of course VJ!) i swear i screamed till my heart wanted to pop out of my mouth!

there were quite a few spectacular races for st nicks and i went down to the st nicks contingent to cheer while talking to wanglaoshi with jiayi. saw mrs goh ms chan and mrs cheong! mrs god is like the best principal ever! which principal would jump around the grand stand screaming and pumping fists while cheering for the students like her? she simply rocks (:

went to prepare beside the track on behalf of the track and field team to run over and occupy space at the flagpoles when everything is over. quite absurd huh. ppl send their whole track team down vjc sent their councillors down :D but we had fun lah, and proud to help them out!

anyway vjc A boys got 2nd, and A girls got 3rd. stnicks double 2nd!! :D :D

pretty picture of VJC flags! :)

this is while we were preparing to occupy space.

geriiii!! :D

newfriend!! im like ten shades darker than you now :(

yuwei :)

DORCAS!!! :D

two third redshirts, while waiting for our bus to arrive. love!

2008-07-15T13:36:00.002+08:00

我覺得在人的一生裏, 必定會做出某些愚蠢的決定. 所以這次所經歷的事情不能怨任何人, 只能怪自己. 我只想知道, 在未來的人生裏, 我到底要等多就才會過的比較順利.
it's too scary. i finally know.
sent it away when it's not even coming this way.
go far far away and disappear.

why, why is my judgement this bad?
無名, looks like i have to look for you again.

2008-07-13T13:57:00.001+08:00

replying to a question i got asked yesterday evening.

i feel awful,
physically, mentally, psychologically, spiritually.

2008-07-12T23:31:00.002+08:00

i shant elaborate about how i got locked out (again!) last night and how i spent two plus hours stoning and sleeping at the void deck (sounds like some delinquent man). haha that basically summed up everything.

if you see this newfriend dont scold me. ahah.

today was a lil mad too, somehow. kinda had quite an overload of information throughout the day. first thing in the morning was orientation 09 meeting with jerald to plan the skeleton. ohman. there are so many things to do. then was meeting regarding programmes for intracouncil day with collin and andy, then later pengrui. my brain started to die and lag so the meeting kinda didnt flow very well.. heh ^^

then was pw, giving out surveys with ranika at marine parade library. I KEEP GETTING REJECTED!! OMG. stress level damn high. i cant do serious things in public i only can do those stupid AA things well ): i think i have the 'i am going to waste your time asking you to do this survey that may jinx you to get cervical cancer' tag pasted on my forehead? i feel like the plague approaching them :(

finally for the rest of the day it wasnt that mentally and psychologically exhausting and torturous. went to east coast and cycled for two hours (half an hour of sitting down and chatting included) to satisfy my craving! haha i make cycling sound like food. the only drawback is that east coast was too crowded and it was still day! i love going to the beach at night 100 times more than in the day, even though there's nothing much you can see. after dinner at macs it was finally dark! there was the moon and A LOT of stars, so pretty ((: but went home very soon ): it was fun all the same lah, nice place, nice activity, nice company.

today i reminisced a lot. about the past. basically things that happened in secondary school, sec 1, 2, 3 and 4, stuff from every year. i didnt know east coast holds so much memories in my life. rahh.

i wonder what to do at flute tomorrow, with my huge ulcer and with the big news. sigh. im gonna be despised. my teacher hates this kinda situations. i hate this too.

2008-07-10T20:46:00.003+08:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY XUEZHEN!!
hope you enjoyed our surprise and the attention (wanted or not) we gave you!

since im in a dead mood now, will not write in narrative form. the following describes what happened from last midnight till this morning.
1. esti's story about how her brother said during ur bday at 12am you should light a candle and open the door and blow it out so that you will have alot of 桃花運 -___-
2. my story about how my brother said during ur bday at 12am you should take a knife and place it outside your door otherwise evil ghosts will come and take all ur birthday luck away
3. xuezhen peeping through the hole to see no one outside cos we were hiding at the rubbish chute
4. xuezhen opening the door as we appeared to sing the birthday song
5. giving her the little cake and singing the song stnicks' style
6. refusing to leave
7. esti attempts to occupy 3/4 of the bed
8. purposely chatting about tsd to spite xuezhen, and topics that she doesn't know about
9. some sleep
10. esti and i not being able to wake up while xuezhen whines about having to wake up so early
11. goes to macs for breakfast
12. shamelessly sends xuezhen into school
13. shamelessly sitting outside the LT watching assembly
14. sitting at the specs stand with esti, catching sight of a very beautiful rainbow with the 7 distinct colours
15. shamelessly sleeping at the specs stand
16. rushing home to do e-learning (and was late for bio for twenty minutes)

homebased learning was actually kinda fun.

couldn go for dinner in the end. :( sorry xuezhen! will make it up to you, promise! with ur proper present (:

i need to think, reflect and pick myself up.
i hate guessing :(

2008-07-08T22:34:00.002+08:00

today is the first day of school. first day back to reality. i went to school with a near empty bag; with nothing but pe attire and test tubes. in the end there wasn't practical at all so the things that i brought today were all useless. i could have just brought a pen to school.

felt super disoriented the whole day ever since i realised i didnt wear my band on my hand in the bus in the morning. i cant live without my band and my hairband! (i miss my green one badly) rahh everything felt weird and looked as if they were about to go wrong.

i pulled through the day without feeling like sleeping even once. quite a feat actually but i just remembered i did sleep for more than half an hour at the garden tables at noon :/

helped tues workshop people clean up and after awhile there were more ppl from fri workshop than tuesday's! it was quite fun, but i suddenly cant rmb what we were talking about... heh! oh teasing weiting about her singing was very funny! but she can sing lah! no worries!! the seniors and geraldine were just being anal :D went home after getting down the flags (hey i rmb even though im not the one on duty!! :D). bus journey today was MAD. seriously. 43-ed with both johnny and yeowboon and i dont know what got to them but they wanted to go all the way to sengkang! this is especially mad for yeowboon cos he lives two stops away from school?!?!

i irritated even myself while whining and begging yeowboon to get down but rah looks like my efforts had reverse effects :/ johnny looked determined to go all the way to sengkang too but one stop after his stop he gave up, phew! ohwells. then i gave up on yeowboon too -_- so he went to compass point for dinner. ohman like he said it himself, he looked like a tourist visiting another side of the world or smth! so lost and so suaku (oops!) :D

aye looks like i have to do pw now. and after this, sleeeeeeep!!!! bloody tired.

2008-07-07T22:33:00.002+08:00

i feel unfortunate to face certain things but i am so fortunate to have such friends. thanks to people who cared, especially meiqin, naomi, arianto, johnny, yeowboon. nothing happened after meiqin followed me home and stayed over, and when we woke up we left almost immediately. had brunch in compass point and after awhile johnny came! siao one can sleep dont sleep.

went to meiqin's house, stoned and slacked around. thanks for hosting us! i really enjoyed the company even though we didnt do anything at all. rahhh i cant explain how grateful i am.

ytd was public performance. the matinee was great, but the night show was.. sigh. i am terribly sorry shiangnee's piece screwed up like mad. everything was wrong; a fresnel was upside-down, there wasnt a gel holder, my canto sucked, tree changed, narrator changed, bulldozer broke etc etc. sigh. but shiangnee was still so sweet. made me and meiqin cry like mad! heard that yeowboon's piece also went damn weird. haha. why must they show together?!?! lousy clash of crew can.. :(

anyway rah everything is officially over for now. i have to face reality tomorrow. i dont even know what to pack in my bag! this is horrible. okay sleepy. tata

2008-07-05T22:28:00.003+08:00

it's public p tomorrow, and ah, the last time the j2s will ever touch their pieces again. the last time we work for/with them again. i hope it will go well, and everyone have fun!

yesterday was the coolest ever! when christine's piece ended, we could hear screams coming from day in twenty4, so all of us rush over and went crazy!! we screamed and danced and jumped around for a whole half an hour, to the 'it's the time to disco' song from kal ho naa ho!! it's like the new craze in tsd haha. the seniors already settled down for the post-production meeting and looked at us like we were aliens from the other side of day. but we couldn stop! mr pymm came and thanked all of us, 'especially the juniors' as he said!! oh man we were higher than ever. i love our batch!!

wenta east coast after that to celebrate, or just to relax rather. this seemed like a meagre activity compared to the j2s who went to clarke quay to club. we cycled for quite awhile then went to buy food and sat next to the beach. hey i wasnt emo okay! i was enjoying solitude wahahha. weiting dongying and i had karaoke session on the breakwater! we were singing s.h.e songs and omg we all know the songs so goddamn well it's so amazing!! so fun lah, no need go kbox already. a small group of juniors lay down to chat at the edge of the breakwater and the other bigger group gossiped behind it. and they refused to tell us what they were gossiping about!! :(

the toil is over. let us reminisce. pictures not in order.

sam and sweejin.

what we do during props making. (alright. what I do, not we)

desmond's set! not full and not at it's prettiest though.

sweejin!

sam.

meiqin!

me!

underwired's set without cloth and light! the tree looks FABULOUS with UV light ((:

desmond's crew!

underwired! juniors!

esti and i! and mr gay behind.

esti and i!!

with yeowboon wearing the god costume!!

aye im yawning like there's no tomorrow. have to end abruptly here.

i love tsd!! :)

2008-07-01T23:53:00.002+08:00

there are too many ups and downs all in one day. if i should expand and contract like that just a little more, i'll start weathering like how rocks do in deserts(pure geog shit). but i inflate and deflate so rapidly, one day i'll explode. or lost my elasticity.

group pieces are finally all over. tomorrow, the ISes will start. omg. intensive stuff. they'll be gone in a flash i think.

i really hope and pray i dont screw up. please.

2008-06-30T00:03:00.002+08:00

yay hello! 2nd sleepover in the month! this time it's all girls, and it's at sweejin's. i wonder whether is it a coincidence or is it that S43 people are darn good hosts! i.e. sweejin and lennart! waha. they both have alot alot of food in their houses -envy-

ohwells. flute today was fine. didnt do much and didnt get scolded cos i told my teacher beforehand that i didnt practise. yeowboon the sian guy was too bored at home so he came to ps as well to buy his organza. he was late! tsk! and guess what haha HE CAME ALONG TO SWEEJIN'S HOUSE!!! haha. okay i hope he doesnt kill me when he reads this... but lols thanks for the help with the stuff we were doing!

just now was fun because we were talking to people altogether and they were going crazy cos they didnt know who they were talking to. wahahha. we said alot of stupid underwired! stuff and other unrelated stuff and we found out that arianto was watching some ERHEM videos on youtube! okay alrighty sweejin is tired and meiqin wants to blog so i shall be off! tata!

2008-06-29T00:25:00.004+08:00

slept in by accident today and didnt reach school very early :/ like about one pm... saw welco doing up council board! the photos look so formal im not used to it :// i hope we have fun photos too!

did the ox (took a bloody long time cos i painted, removed the paint and painted it again. junfeng played ball without me :( he almost went to eat without me too, loner! after that helped sarah with day studio. oh man lah. if junfeng and i werent here she would be clearing and cleaning day all by herself!! anyway swept and mopped up day, and put up the black backdrop with johnny's help. cheena poks overruled sarah by playing all the chinese songs while we did our work! weiting joined awhile and contributed to cheenapoks, as well as naomi who wasnt feeling well. hope ure better now naomi! (though you will never see this)

went home alone (rahh) and went straight for nightwalk with newfriend! well we didnt really walk but went to the basketball court. wanted to play but both our balls were taken :( there werent any one playing so we just sat down and played our own silly, no-point games like last time. well this time it was hitting a marble at saga seeds with light sticks. sounds stupid hahahah :D

chatted abit. catching up was good. i miss old times, sigh. ohwells. as usual we argued about who to go home first but aiyoh didnt want to 'fight' again so i relented. if i did fight i would be screaming under the flats at 11pm which isnt good. haha here comes the funny part. while in the lift, she was helping me hold my phone (while trying to trap my hand inside my bag while i take my keys or smth -_-) and nearly dropped it. what came along with the action of saving it was a PIERCING SUPER HIGH PITCH HIGH FREQUENCY SCREAM. this came from the mouth of the 不男不女 girl (as she said it herself)!!! now i understand why ur friends call you guniang ah, newfriend :D i think that was the highlight of my day.

i hope geraldine feels better now!! dont worry too much about the matter okay. anytime you needta rant find me (:

oh oh i hope i can go for sleepover at sweejin's tomorrow!!! seriously. my mum is more inclined to say no currently :( it's gonna be damn fun (:

2008-06-28T00:12:00.003+08:00

the seniors' A's are coming like REALLY REALLY soon now. monday. i was sitting around and thinking about the journey, and i suddenly felt very sad.

this is the last week where the junior batch comes together for the sake of the senior batch. it is the last week where we would slog day and night, skip meals, get hungry, get injured, get scolded, work hard, play hard, worry for seniors, move as 07 and 08 batch together. it seemed ridiculous to some; why would we work so hard towards something that wouldnt benefit ourselves at all in the long run? i have no true answer to that. but i would say tsd is a pretty darn special subject. i love the friends i made and the people that make things a hundred times better. the company, the motivation, the gossip/bitching sessions, the mahjong sessions, basketball sessions, props making sessions, bumping in/out sessions, eating sessions, slacking and crapping sessions, and not to forget slotting especially, and learning skills from the seniors... all these make the subject seem so amazing.

i suddenly hope all these wouldn't end just like that. because after this, there wont be any mass interaction where you work with all kinds of people towards one thing that doesnt concern yourself directly. it would be time for us to start on our own stuff. it's like a dream that we foresee ending fast :( aye. must treasure these few days alot.

i love the underwired! crew, the people who were originally here(my hint couldnt be clearer) alot!!! i am gonna miss them so much when there is not more underwired!! i am starting to enjoy the slots as well, the seniors are getting increasingly nicer and friendlier (there is a stark improvement in a certain someone's behaviour) and i keep getting pleasant surprises when in their company. when the whole of underwired! (the 9 girls) painted the tree in the afternoon today, i felt so happy i was smiling in my heart lah (sounds corny) hahaha.

and the underwired! crew is so :))! screaming/threatening/cheating each other making sure everyone doesnt skip a meal or go too hungry... meiqin and sweejin were so sweet one day; they bought me chipsmore buttercrunch cookies knowing i had no money for lunch and dinner, and that i was sad to have eaten buttercrunch cookies that tasted like garlic in the morning. i was amused and moved at the same time lah (: thanks so much. yall are damn cute!

wow that was quite an amount of happy rants. :))

ah would anyone believe me if i said i drove past yet another accident tonight?
well i didnt lah. haha. but my dad did, on his way to my school. this is getting freaky. if he didnt take a detour to avoid the jam at the accident scene, it would be my fourth time this week passing by an accident.

i have a screwed up knee and a screwed up nose.

aye eyes closing. pardon the abrupt ending.

2008-06-26T23:36:00.002+08:00

omg. i am feeling damn remorseful now.
i am damn sorry johnny T_T

apparently, he waited for me to find my stuff in 24 before leaving together. we were the first to leave, then on reaching the overhead bridge near the bus stop we saw 43 zoom past. oh wells. so he started 'blaming me' for making him wait and missing the bus. then some people came out and their bus came and left. then he started to chant the "都是你的錯" song. THEN MORE PEOPLE CAME OUT! we waited for like near half an hour (see la!! i was right about the buses). then another 43 came along but cos we knew a double deck 76 was following behind i insisted we took 76. and guess what? 76 DIDNT WAIT FOR US. zoomed past like we were all ghosts.

so we cabbed.

if lennart hears this, he will laugh his head off until he looks like taariq's marinet.

rahhh i felt so bad lah.

today's slots werent so intensive. what did i do today? why do i feel as if one day only lasted around 5 hours? cos everything that happened before 7 felt like yesterday :/

i want this marathon to be over.